When i think of you

When I think of You
When I think of you I think of the way you once looked at me, the way you once felt about only me, the way I was only with you for you or maybe it was for me
when I think of you I think of the way I was in love with your love not just in your presence not just your being, your human form no but your love, respect, friendship, understanding, caring ways that were just for me
When I think of you I can feel the way I felt when you looked at me for once it was you looking at me, adoring me, worshiping me and at one point only me & That.. that is what I die for Not exactly you not your flesh NOT your heat but the everything the moment the feeling the will the want the rest of my life, the need the desire, that now I just never want to feel anything less…. I would have rather gone a million lifetimes in the same heartbroken abyss then to feel what I felt when I was yours, only yours, your love, your smile, your life, your everything the most beautiful disaster I had ever laid eyes on
When I think of you I know didn’t matter that I wasn’t whole and it matter that I was shattered and it didn’t matter that I couldn’t love you as I should have or that you were in positions you never deserved to be I will forever be sorry that it was so much later that  I realize that now I see I feel it I live it I sit I wait for a love for a will for a tear, for a purpose, a force that was meant just for me, as it was once for a moment once your life in my time..
In my life time of pain, sorrow, and loneliness there was this, you, for what now seems and will be just  a split second of my life time after ive reach the end of my rope ,that is why I cry myself to sleep, drown my sorrow the pain, die in agony under the moon, to know what it feels like to be loved by you
That’s the worse part of it all knowing I felt it, that feeling of something so beautiful so sweet so fulfilling of being everything, being enough,
Just that. Enough! So satisfying, the best rush, the greatest high, a tease of fun of something I just got a taste of & never found again,
Like a morning coffee with a side of sunrise or the best selling pie in town, the riches bite of the devils cake when all you want the whole thing all of it, every crumble just so you can savor it, to endure it, to enjoy it, to sink into, to indulge in not wanting it to finish knowing it is fulling my every craving, deepest want, my every need of heaven, of love, of passion, desire, what I die for day & night
When I think of you I remember all the firsts the first time I was myself, the first time I felt anything for anyone who wasn’t who I damned myself to be, the first time it didn’t matter that I loved you too just as long as you loved me had the chance to love me, to see me just me, my being, my energy, everything me,
And you still with it all trusted my love, you willing wanted all of me my light, my darkness, in every aspect without hesitation no matter in what form as long as it was me to you, me, only me, my all of me and for the first time in my life I was enough I was everything and it was beautiful

When I think of you I remember the anxious soul with no path a heart with the same damage as mine broken slayed and destroyed way before he had a chance to do it himself walking the earth without the craving of lifes riches that’s what the pain created in you but when you looked at me you felt wealth, full, whole, loved ..  the difference between me and you, you were not looking for me, you were not missing me, that feeling, you were not expecting, i had never crossed your mind, not a thought in your heart of a woman like me, till me, till us,till that… that undeniable full of madness, passion, desire, spoil, worship, everything I die for now that moment that feeling that look that everything sad it can never again be with you
When I think of you i don’t remember thinking of this coming of being without, of not having you, of it not working, you not loving me, I knew you loved me as long as you could and I thank you for such a love
Its exactly that love, the carino, the amor, the look the feeling, that saying you are the most beautiful angel/demon I have ever seen be true… what I die inside for the reason for my sorrow and my rebuilt walls of reused shattered piece of my being
When I think of you I drown in the pain, I die in the memory, suffer every craving, despising every minute of never feeling what I felt when I was enough
When I think of you I smile and will forever be grateful for the life change way i feel to know I am worthy, that I am woman, that I am enough , thank you