bleeding dry



Bleeding Dry.
The tears I cry of loneliness and  are for a love I have been waiting for my whole life a love a have offered all to often and unconditional almighty fueled by the Lord a love I can match willingly I used to believe I didn’t deserve it that I deserved all the bad and the horrible the cry the begging the late nights and fight the pain of being not enough the pain of being compared to them and that hurt but honestly it hurts more to know I’m 100% enough woman for any man or woman and still cant be loved truly accepted wanted appreciated and loved as I should be as I long to be as my heart dies to be
Or is it that is not meant for me;
In life I learned that god does things not me and that everything I have forced and hung on to was taken away for me one way or another but lord you know I did all that hurt and hung on and suffered for love just to feel those few moment of love happiness laughs and connection no matter how quick or the consequence I has always been willing to match my love but no one lord no one who can match mine! For this I beg you always Lord you who I know is almighty
I sit and wonder if love is meant for me. I know what Im looking for I know what I want I have spent my whole life staring in at a love that Iove ld never had a love ive only seen from a far men in love with women who are half of who I am now and could never be the woman I dream to be and they never gave me a chance for the perfect man my man a man that is mine and just for me a love that has respect fun flirt support a best friend unconditional almighty comes first that feeling that look that I need you can’t live without you NOT I can but real don’t want to or she didn’t so you can …. I feel finally I deserve it I feel I crave it my heart is missing it its painful to live without it . I feel I need it and I don’t want to feel like I need it to feel whole not to live or survive but to feel whole content happy loved loving sweet fun a smile a sexy feeling a kiss a touch a hand in hand that look … that feeling of everything in one moment at one time just for me because im me because I love and support because I try because im there because no matter what them feeling what I long for is exactly what I want to give what I require I can also provide! So, I know im worthly and I love myself I know exactly the kind of love I want and deserve … now what? I cant not sit and wait for someone to be ready for me it wouldn’t be for I can return to a love that didn’t have consideration for what I have already provide and died inside and be being me I cant picture anyone else that I have never laid eyes on for my heart to fall for so where does that leave me if I was terrorized, torn and striped of socialism what do I do how does it find me where do I look or how long should I wait how long will I die while I still have to live and breathe everyday with a missing piece with a hole in my heart a hole that has been dig into since I was a baby innocent and pure made of love, a was dug into by the claws of monsters striping me of everything me my innocence my light myself at the time it felt like just my body but it was soo much more it was everything beautiful everything I have been living without since ever since I could remember and im sorry sad and tired of living life of being of giving that love that feeling that security but not receiving it in return I cant I refuse I don’t want it to make me made or bitter I don’t want it to be impossible I don’t want it to be gone and something I missed out on or something I have to wait for or be second to I just cant imagine not having it not feeling not living with it and then to not understand why me why have to live without it living giving energy spreading my love thin for just the opposite in return I don’t understand how time and time again I put everything and anything that I don’t even have that was striped from me by the claws of monsters I keep giving something I don’t even have for something I don’t even know it exist or ever existed justtt for me that is the point that is would be just for me and willingly and lovingly and everything it should be everything I have given to everyone and everything you would think id stop wanting and stop feeling seeing how I am dead inside seeing how my blood bleeds black from how long it has been bleeding how long I have been hurt how much my heart has bleed out for the exact thing I continue to crave if that is not insane I have no idea what else might be or maybe I was born insane which is why I understand it all and still continue on my search for it knowing that it is insane
Knowing that I may never find it that the times I felt in with who I did was how and what I deserve and so I was perfectly ok to continue with the little I was offered just to get what I can just to feel that little bit of what I long for ..for however short the moment was or how painful the consequence was I still did it all for that.. that feeling .. that love .. that everything

About this poem

written during the deepest darkness of my heart

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Written on November 03, 2002

Submitted by lauraleegonzales85 on November 05, 2021

Modified on March 05, 2023

5:14 min read
10

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABBBCD
Characters 5,048
Words 1,046
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 6

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