A Moment With God

I'd like to have a moment of your time...
To take you through the journey of my mind...
And conversate...
I know you say that things will all be fine...
So just keep letting my light shine...
But right now I can't relate....

And this is why....

I spend most nights crying tears that i keep trapped inside my body...
And though I wish I had a friend that wld reach out to me.. I don't see nobody calling....

So I run to you...
But you don't respond...
Or at least not in the way that I want you to...

I'm so confused...
It's like I know what to do...
But then again I don't...
My faith is low...
My love is dry...
And I just used up the last of hope...

I feel I can't read the Bible bc what it tells me isnt pertaining to what I wanna hear...
Right now I'm in so much pain I just want you to hug me and let me know your near....

I get attacked daily and though it drives me crazy...
I'm still standing up tall...
But everytime I hit the ground I feel you let me down...
Bc you said you'd never let me fall...

And the worst part is I don't even know if you can hear me...
It leaves me feeling forgotten when I see things I pray about not changing especially when I speak upon it sincerely.....

Are you still with me... Or am I kicked to the curb....
Shld I be silent and listen or shld I offer you some more of my words...

My heart hurts..
My soul aches...
My mind breaks tryna wrap it around all this....

My pain turns into anger which leads me to question do you even exist....

Yet I know you do so I feel regret...
But I still seek to understand...
How you can sit and watch another person do so much evil onto another man...

When will you intervene...
Or is that just a dream we'll always chase....
Is heaven as real as the feelings I feel...
Or is it just an imaginary place....

I just don't know how the world can be so cold and hell be so hot...
When both of em go hand in hand...
They exist to make us rot!!!!

Can you just walk with me...
Like it's my first time riding a bike...
So you can break my fall..
Tell me what I did wrong and show me how to do right.....

You say trust the light...
Bc in the dark it's made to shine bright..
But how do I trust the light when I'm in the dark and everytime it gets me into a fight...

I battle demons known as bad habits....
And they always seem to have the advantage...

Now ain't that something....
Are you keeping up...
Are you being moved by what I say...
Or am I not speaking deep enough...

Let's go into more depth...
With every breath I consume I feel more consumed by today's struggles....
And I'm always troubled...
By hearing my heart rumble
Bc it's starving for love....
They say shit rolls down hill so why am I always looking above...
I want the peace of the dove you chose to symbolize you...
If it's not you please direct me to who I send these simple cries too...

You see my moment with God will be something we both definitely remember...
My passion is a consuming fire which is why my momma gave birth to me at the end of November....
Man I remember looking up the meaning of my name Christopher...
And it said he who bares christ...
But I can barely find the strength to make it through another day...
None the less bare another night...

My problems are nothing but a grain of sand compared to what you hear upon a daily...
But that don't mean I dont
get filled with doubt..
And wonder about...
If ya thought about me lately...

And for all those reasons this why I need a moment with God!!!!