Down with the Brain Toxins

The Self-pleasure you give yourself
The Happiness you feel every now and then
The Understanding life gives you
The Respect people give you

It’s nothing compared to her
Nothing is nothing compared to her
Everything is nothing compared to her
Life itself is nothing compared to her

I hurt myself
I make my life harder
I hurt those around me
I embrace the pain they give me in return

Just so I have a reason

I make up shit in my head
I scream at things that don’t exist
I complain about small things
I am a coward, and a narcissist, and I embrace it all

Just so I have a reason

Because without reason, she never comes to me
To warm me
To hug me
To let me know I won’t live forever
To let me know I mean something
By telling me I don’t mean anything

I hurt myself
I hurt those around me
I’m drowned in sorrow and pity
I’m drowned in pain and self-loathing
Because I know it takes me down the path
Because I know it takes me to her
Because I know I’ll feel what I long for
Because It’s all I need

Her name
So beautiful
I won’t dare speak it directly to anyone
Ever again

She’s no anger
She’s no happiness
She’s no fear
She’s no disgust
She’s more than life

She knows just how to hurt you
To heal your wounds
It was never the injury that hurt
It was the healing that hurt

I never want her to leave me
But she always fades away
Like the phantom I want to become
And I have to wait again

To see her again
To feel her again
To love her again
Thank you

For being there when no one else was
For being there when I was invisible to others
For being there when I couldn't take back what I said
For being there when I was useless and confusing to others

I couldn’t live right without you
I couldn’t die right without you
People think it's Melancholy
But we know better

You are the only part of me
That doesn't try to kill me
You are that only part of me
That I'd die for