Analysis of Lasting Reverie

I did not love, could not love freely, because society would not let me.
Please know—I loved and yearned for you deeply, and strongly
I remember your beauty, your unique desire, atrophy slowly, gently starving.
You too would not dare have me.
Obedient souls, derelict from deprivation.
Passionate, and vigorous men lost in the lifelessness of someone else’s directive.
How often now I think fondly of what might have been

Ignorance, now, has walked away, leaving brilliant clarity
Nothing will ever be as they seem.
I live tentatively, even in “natural” places.
Leisurely seducing me is self-hate and melancholy
Addictive, pleasures that slowly work wickedly—to numb and depreciate
I give in so easily—it is what is wanted of me—to feel badly
For who I am
I keep looking only through their white window.
Is not my own sufficient?
My window, vivid, vibrant, and lively.
How shall I live life?
Should I?
Or is it in death, they prefer me?

I am sleep now, yesterday as well, and tomorrow too.
I am hidden
I shall prevent you pointing at me
I shall fade away.
Back into the reverie that keeps me soundly, safely, and receptively.