Analysis of God I'm Dead

I was dead before I got here, but didn't pull the trigger
And now I know the reason why, is really hard to figure.
There's a hole inside me, that just seems to grow.
How I made it this far, I really do not know.
Many years I pushed it down, so I didn't feel the pain.
Oh, look here's something new, let's push it down again.
But always I'd move on, find my happy place.
But I fear that now, this won't be the case.
I was vulnerable as hell, I never was so open.
And without chemicals, I have no way of coping.
Sometimes I want to lay down, and hope to not awake.
But life is never easy, especially when we break.
My light that shined with laughter, now only has a flicker.
I thought I'd be OK, but I just keep feeling sicker.
I try to talk to God, it seems he doesn't answer.
This depression is so strong, taking over like a cancer.
Help me God Help me, free me from this fight.
Give me motivation, make me feel alright.
All I do is lay around, stuck inside this pain.
Memories that haunt me, keep me in these chains.
I have so many questions, things I need to know.
But it seems the answers, never seem to show.
So I say again to God, help me find my way.
Crying out and begging him, I pray I pray I pray.
If nothing else Lord,  show me that I'm loved.
If not someone here, send it from above.
I've never felt so broken, never been so down.
I am trying hard to swim, but only seen to drown.
I fill myself with hope, yet fill myself with doubt.
It must be really soon, you'll show me my way out.
          Tika