ABP57
  Bronze Member

This poem has a brilliant use of rhyme and meter. The use of a singular rhyme throughout the entire piece ( the 'ound sound) in words like 'found' and 'ground', holds together, using a light and lyrical framework, a powerful message and warning about greed. It also uses the playful innocence of youth as a warning as to greed's petty nature and deleterious effects over time. I appreciated the poem's use of narrative elements(always difficult in poetry, I feel) combined with a profound warning, framed within it's whimsical backdrop. To me, that shows mastery. A few things stood out for me. First,was the use of two (again) rhyming words to depict the soul; 'unsound', then 'drowned'. Keep up the wonderful craftsmanship in your work. more »

Thank you so much, JhainDoh. Yes, I wanted this poem to be real tight and curt, as a ironic framework for how things can go off the rails. I am so glad that you enjoyed it, and will put your name in my ledger, so I can follow and enjoy your work as well. more »

Thank you so much for your compliments on my poem. As to the rhyme scheme, I feel it is like a framework for my verse. I am an auditory person and often I 'hear' the poem start to form in my head, before putting it to the page. Then I aim for meaning within whimsy. If the message is strictly satirical then the rhyming supports the message tonally. With some of my more poignant messages, I try to have the rhyme scheme entertain the reader then follow through with a 'punch' to bring home the point. **I write down the names of those who enjoyed and commented on my work, and make a list so I can follow them. I will keep an eye for for you, Jewoo525 and look forward to reading your work. more »

From the start, the title strikes me as a succinct yet powerful idiom for the ages. The rhyme and meter is exquisite; as it strides along gallantly with precision and determinism, conveying it's wisdom within the it's journey of the soul's highest aspiration; courage. This poem holds high a chalice that reflects light that never fades. Masterfully done! more »

Reread it--exquisite. The best i have read on this site! looking forward to more.

You're Welcome..

That line is a reference to a common word problem where a student is asked, using basic algebra, to find the a person's age by finding an unknown variable.."If Bob was born two yrs before Fred and Fred is ten, then how old is Bob? more »

Thank you. As an over-sixty, white, straight, old-school guy, I felt the need to encourage my generation, to lean into these new trends to offer our support for the new generations. Besides it was so much fun to write. more »

Thank you. What is now taboo may very well be the ground of the new understanding necessary to save us from the fears that keep us from living the most fulfilling and rewarding lives going forward.

Thanks. As an educator I see the danger of our "leaders" putting educational reigns on what the next generation, which will live in an entirely different and amazing world, will have the privileged to experience. more »

Your poem is a mastery of language in which the rhythm and meter are succinct and the rhyme exquisite. Its lyrical resonance conveys with pith and deft writing how the evasive meaning that emerges between our words, is more profound than the most sublime command of their arrangements . Your words so artfully arranged only point to something much more esoteric and profound, and something we all aspire to from our most innocent wanderlust to our most soulful quest in search of what it means to be alive. I will also mention that the lyricism has an inviting delicacy to it that draws you gently and into its praiseworthy and most original gravitas.

I participate in poetry.com to renew my faith in the written word, that postmodern media and technology seem to be tearing down. Keep up the amazing work. more »

This poem, to me echoes how we breathe ourselves into our existence; each breath, precarious, precious and profound. In nary a wisp of air, it says, is the most profound acknowledgment of life shared in the infinitesimal sighs of the masses. Yet, breathing is two fold: in a single in-breathe, life gives life onto itself. Yet on the out-breath, it possibly ends-- never to return to re-nourish. It is this, the exhaling, that points to the end that marks the precious tenderness and blessed fragility of a life marked by a lone breathe. more »