Living This Wished

Lawrence S. Pertillar 1947 (Connecticut)



Living this wished.

A wanting to live and get,
The best of life...
Already blessed to receive.
And conscious of it to believe.
Wishing to want,
Should not be an obstacle.
Or an unchartered road.
Never before to have explored.

Everyone has a mind to use.
Some doing it done to choose,
What is decided for them is best.
Yet...
Some will await,
For opinions and approval...
From others to get.
To determine...
How they should feel.
What they should do.
And what directions they should take.
That guarantees,
What is wanted wished...
Done to get.
Will leave them feeling,
Better than ever.
Leaving them with a sigh of relief.

Without deciding for themselves...
To live and stop wishing,
For fake impressions to make.
On a daily basis.
Left to feel still unsatisfied.
If someone disapproves,
Of a decision independently made.

Independently!
And...
Not to wish to want,
Outside opinions given.
But a doing done to do!
Alone.
Condoning one's own,
Decisive and conscious...
Mental action.

'What on Earth to yourself,
Have you done?
You look incredibly calm.
As if...
You are completely peaceful!
And...
Glowing with self confidence.'

Well...
Believe this or not.
I woke up one morning.
And did not care what I wore.
How I looked.
After I selected clothes to dress.
Or who...
I might meet left unimpressed.
After checking me out,
From head to toe.
Scrutinizing.

'And...
By yourself,
You chose to do this?'

Yes!

'And...
You can honestly say,
You have no regrets?'

I can not honestly say that.
Since I do admit to having one!
Or two.
Possibly three.

'I knew you would have,
At least one.
What is it?'

It took me years,
To accept and believe...
Choices to make,
Done to choose for myself?
Made no difference,
To bills...my bills.
Needing to be paid.
Or creditors I owe.
Caring less how I did it.
As long as I made it my priority,
To impress them...
With my ability to be accountable.
And responsible for payments,
Due to get it done without excuses!

'Uh...
Have a good day!
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Submitted by lpahtillah on April 29, 2021

Modified on April 27, 2023

1:44 min read
72

Quick analysis:

Scheme a bxccdexx xxfbxebgxhixabjxx xjikxxl mNdghookg pgxxeNq xxjxxxhfxrj Npx Nsx xghm xgt xcipqxlrtmxexx xs
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 1,872
Words 351
Stanzas 13
Stanza Lengths 1, 8, 17, 7, 9, 7, 11, 3, 3, 4, 3, 14, 2

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