On The Qui Vive : A Letter To My Mother

I watched through the window as you, sweet mother did grieve,
Since dear daughter went missing, twas your first Christmas Eve,
Police patrolled the streets in search, On The Qui Vive,
I watched the tears in your eyes, your fingers and hair inter weaved,
If I could I would have explained the necessity I leave,
but condemned I would be, for you would never believe.

I know tis unfair for me to up and abandon,
the one person I could always rely on as a companion,
but dear mother, my love now is a dangerous assassin,
killing everything I touch with an extreme passion.

How do you explain to your mother your need for a revolver?
How do you explain that she lost her 'innocent' daughter?
If you knew how many lives I had taken I would live in dishonor,
and that is the real reason for my letter and departure.