My Small Soul Grows

I feel so lost because I know
I have been given an understanding
of why I'm here and why I live,
but I am not ready to begin
A life so pure, I must embrace,
for my desires are a disgrace
to what the meaning of existence
really is and what it does.
So I go on in a tornado
of desires, goals, and tests
and every failure I achieve
gives me power... I try to fight.
I am not worthy and don't desire
this peace I see but do not want
God seems to waste his grace on me,
but I know that's why He does.
If not for me his love would pass,
would not be missed, would not enlight.
For a sinner with a soul is the one who needs the chance
To realize his love embraces all the ignorances that I show
And the recognition I soon will give him
Is what makes my small soul grow.