My Mother’s Love, My Father’s Rage

I was born with my mothers love and my fathers rage.I will love you unconditionally, even if you break me down and wear my bone. And I will become angry with you and break your heart.
Grind me to ashes and I will still love you. I will always love you, there’s no doubt about it, but I have been told my love is suffocating and I need to back off. But how can I back off when it’s you I crave attention from, you I crave comfort from, you I crave love from. I need you like a drug, like fire needs air, like the moon needs the sun.
The problem arises with my father’s rage. Im mad but it’s so much more than mad my body is no longer under my control I say things I do not mean and I do things that hurt everyone. Believe me, I’m scared too, I don’t know why I get so angry, I guess that’s just how I was raised. I hate you like fire hates water, like how day hates night, like how bees hate wasps. But I am trying my best, I promise, so please give me a chance.
Minutes go by and I start to understand what I did and what a monster I am. A monster who has been left alone because I have my mothers love and my fathers rage. A monster who is doomed to suffer and cause suffering.
But give the monster a chance or two or three because the monster is still learning how to be a human and deal with these emotions because no one ever taught her how. She only knows one sided love and violent rage. But I swear she’s getting better, she just needs an extra push sometimes.
I swear she is trying! She is relearning how to love! It’s me, I am the monster with my mothers love and my fathers rage.