The Tempestuous Zelotypia of My Pneumacardia

Within my soul, a tempest borborygmi wild
Emotions swirling, crashing like the tide
My heart's a caravel on passion's sea beguiled
I'm deluged in feelings I cannot subside
They overflow in rivulets beyond control
I grasp, yet they slither through my fingers cold

Love lifts me up on wings, before I pratfall
Its grip soon loosens, down I spiral all
For euphoria and dolor walk hand in hand, I've scried
One leads unto the other, dark then light
I ride their rhythms, though they leave me esquamated
My spirit stretched and pulled, windswept and torn

I try to stanch this wadi inside my core
But it breaks bonds and inundates once more
I'm tossed here and there, my anchors unsecured
You'd think I'd learn - this storm cannot be cured
I can but weather it, each swash and backwash
And trust one day the tempests will absquatulate

My mind's a maelstrom spinning out of time
Drawing all towards its frantic vortex's clime
While reason flees in the swirling sublime
Passion consumes me in its frenzied grime
I lose myself within its grip hinayana
Carried helpless on its currents profuse

Love and pain dance together, intertwined
One leads the other, both to me unkind
My battered heart their endless valse rewound
I long to break their twisted hands apart
But find myself enmeshed against my will
In their delirious baila choreography still

I pine, I saudade, I plor both night and day
My soul's adrift, my mind's not my own sway
I ride love's breakers, crashing where they may
No anchors hold me, no safe port or quay
I'm lost, forlorn, my senses in disarray
Perpetually swung from ananda to dismay

My days are filled with contradictions rife
I seek love's nectar, yet taste daily strife  
Struggle and lykke wage their endless strife
Is this my fate, this half-lived bleeding life?
To be stretched thin upon life's racking wheel
Ever oscillating 'tween woe and weal?

I spill my heart out freely, holding naught
Broadcast my feelings to the furthest thought
Bearing my naked, defenseless pneuma unsought  
I cannot stem this spate, though dearly bought
My spirit spills out over reason's banks
Sweeping me along in passion's ranks  

This surging current carries me along
I ride its cataracts though they do me wrong
It snakes through wadis, rising like a storm
Flooding my senses, massive, wild, and warm
I'm but a foliole within its churning flow
Spinning vertiginous, forever ebb and flow

My bones ache from the buffering of time   
The endless wash of joy and hurt sublime
My battered body shows their wear and rime
Yet still I welcome their rude touch and clime
I know no other way but to abide
Cresting and crashing on passion's tide

My heart's an ocean ruled by moons of pain
Stirred by love's gales to fury and again
To glassy calm though storm lurks just offshore
What chart can show the changes it holds in store?
I ride the waves though they leave me weak and wan
For the heart knows not its own chaotic plan

This is my blessing, this my malediction as well
To sense acutely, to feel past rip and swell
The world's raw beauty both heaven and hell
Without my senses I could not revel
Nor find life's purpose, or meaning divine
Even as they leave me shattered, bare like brine-bleached bone

The wheel keeps turning, I rise and I fall
Buffeted ever, giving my all
Loving and losing, standing ten feet tall
Then scraped empty again, beyond recall
This is my fate, my destiny, my lot
To pour myself out, holding back not

My blood boils hot, then runs icy cold
I straddle extremes no earthly form can hold
Too much, too bright, too vivid to behold
I blaze, I yearn, I hunger uncontrolled
Life flays me raw, flings me round the sun
Burns me pure; I am fordone


***

Borborygmi - Greek - stomach rumbles
Pratfall - English - a fall onto one's backside
Dolor - Latin - pain, grief
Esquamated - Latin - to have scale or flakes removed
Wadi - Arabic - a valley or ravine that is dry except in the rainy season
Maelstrom - Dutch - a powerful whirlpool
Hinayana - Sanskrit - lesser vehicle, referring to more basic Buddhist teachings
Valse - French - waltz
Baila - Spanish - dance
Saudade - Portuguese - melancholic longing or nostalgia
Plor - Latin - to weep
Ananda - Sanskrit - bliss
Lykke - Norwegian - happiness
Pneuma - Greek - soul, spirit
Spate - Scottish - sudden flood
Cataract - Latin - waterfall
Vertiginous - Latin - causing dizziness
Foliole - Latin - leaflet
Abquatulate - American slang - to sneak away
Malediction - Latin - curse
Zelotypia - Greek - jealousy
Pneumacardia - Greek roots - heart (cardia) and spirit/breath (pneuma)
Catarctic - Greek - cleansing, purifying
Mare Nostrum - Latin - Mediterranean Sea
Fordone - archaic English - worn out, exhausted