I have to believe

I have a question with no answer

How does it feel to be loved
All my life people push me to the side
Very few people have shown that they care
Even my own blood shun me

Try as I might a relationship is beyond me
Often I let people in only to be shoved aside

Knowing only loneliness and emptiness
Each person who has said the word love
Eventually has shown me I am unworthy
Putting others in my place

Often I have made mistakes
Nobody is perfect that is for sure

But while I was born different
Even serial killers can have a happy home
Love for me has been ever evasive
Even the people who bore me shunned me
I have only seen kindness from strangers
Very often that was only on their terms
If I did something wrong then I must go
Nobody cared to try to understand me
Growing up I saw people do evil things

They gladly would do someone harm
Having no cares about anyone else
And they would still have someone to care
This doesn't sit right with me

I don't know how unconditional love feels

All I know is that I dislike the emptiness
My heart aches to be filled with more

What does one have to do to be loved
Once you have it how do you keep it
Riches aren't supposed to buy you love
Though I would pay anything for it
Having someone as we grow old together

Loyalty to one another and understanding
One day I may find someone to love me
Vices I have had I can learn to undo
I don't think that I am a bad person
Not selfish and I want to help others
Giving the shirt off my back if I have to