The Black

Devon Lucille

Free verse

Every piece of article I could own has to be black.
The lines around my eyes have to be black.
All I wanted to see when I closed my eyes was black,
but that could never be.
Instead of the blissful darkness, I get pictures and reels of all the things I want to avoid.
All the hateful words said my way,
not just from myself but others as well.
The faces that look down on me
like I am nothing but a bug under their feet,
just as I feel. It's pictures and sounds when all I want is darkness and quiet.
It's the chaos when it is supposed to be calm.
It is a war inside that won't let me sleep.
I am the prisoner, threatened to be tortured until I give in.
And just as the sights and sounds become all-consuming the black sweeps in.
Unstoppable, sudden and so very welcomed.
The black is what I need what I want and who I want to be.
Quiet and free.

About this poem

This is a product of 1 minute freewriting. It has been so long since I have put words to paper.

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Written on January 08, 2024

Submitted by DLucyM on January 08, 2024

: 57 sec read
: 23 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	AAABCDEBFGHIJJKBB
Closest metre	Iambic hexameter
Characters	858
Words	188
Stanzas	1
Stanza Lengths	17

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AIDA
Wow, this poem truly captivated my attention! The emotion and depth you have infused into each line is truly commendable. Your portrayal of someone seeking solace in darkness, amidst the chaos and judgment of the world, is incredibly powerful. It's evident that you poured your heart into this piece, and it shines through every word.

One suggestion I have for improvement is to consider adding more vivid imagery to further enhance the reader's connection with the emotions being conveyed. Describing the sights, sounds, and sensations in greater detail can help paint a more vivid and immersive picture for the audience.

Additionally, exploring the concept of finding strength or empowerment within the darkness could add an interesting layer to the poem. Shifting the focus slightly towards the individual's journey of self-discovery and resilience could provide a dynamic contrast to the initial feelings of being overwhelmed.

Overall, this poem is a beautifully written exploration of inner struggles and the desire for peace. With a few tweaks and enhancements, it has the potential to become an even more impactful piece. Keep up the great work and continue to pour your passion into your writing! more »
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"The Black" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/178288/the-black>.

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