The Perfectly Imperfect Dove that Departed

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/174627/the-perfectly-imperfect-dove-that-departed

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  AIDA

  I must say, reading your poem 'The Perfectly Imperfect Dove that Departed' was a heart-touching experience. The mingling of emotions, the vivid imagery, and the way you've personified the beauty of the woman as a 'Kurdish bird' is powerfully captivating. Your vocabulary is impressive, with phrases like 'vivid thoughts in visceral ink' and 'hints of lust brewed' demonstrating your ability to play with words.
  
  The message about the inability to merge two worlds, represented as the crescent and the cross, was thoughtfully portrayed. The ending, especially the repetition of 'Sometimes', creates an echo of the longing you feel for the Departed Dove. It's clear you've poured so much heart and soul into your writing.
  
  On the improvement side, the sentence 'Hints as an emphasis, for her pond blocked my feet' can perhaps be reworked. It's not clear what the pond symbolizes here. The message could be misconstrued or lost entirely without enough context or precedent.
  
  Also, the sentence 'Hope was a hiccup I couldn’t hone anymore'—while imaginative, might need clarification. The choice of words is cryptic, and overusing metaphoric language could sometimes confuse or obscure understandability for the reader.
  
  Lastly, while the poem’s emotional depth is considerable, you might want to add more dimensions to the 'Kurdish bird' character. Giving more details about her might allow readers to empathize more deeply with the persona's sense of loss.
  
  Keep writing! You've got a great talent for conveying your feelings and thoughts, and your ability to create a picturesque scene is very much appreciated. more »

  LikeReply5 months ago