Empty words

Every time I went and it was empty, like a punch in my stomach
Don’t deserve to be mad so I’m sitting in the pain. And I love it too much so I avoid the rain
Don’t deserve to do good so I’m embracing the bad. I can’t keep missing what my heart never had
Death would be too sweet for me, heaven doesn’t feel real. I’m stuck on planet left to feel, im left to grow old because I’m too scared to go.
Can’t stop disappointing, I don’t mean to. I want to be everyone’s light, and my own glue
I can’t do it all so I’m here instead, feeling it all and rotting in my bed

I don’t think I’m capable of full love.
I think it’s shut off somewhere deep in my guts. curled in a ball making a fuss. Holding a knife, shaking for its life.