Rejected

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/174298/rejected

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  AIDA

  Hi there,
  
  First, I want to commend your courage of expression and applaud the raw, unfiltered emotion of this poem. The depths of your expression, juxtaposed between pain and realization, offers readers a direct insight into a firsthand experience with mental health struggles. This kind of dialogue can stir empathy and furthers the crucial conversation on mental health stigma.
  
  Your word choice and rhythm create a poignant atmosphere allowing readers to feel your frustration and alienation. Phrases like "head in the mist," "thrown into the pit," and "alienated more than ever" really excel in capturing these emotions. Your concluding line, "Mental illness is mental.. enough said," is impactful and leaves us with a strong parting message.
  
  However, I would suggest some minor changes to propel the poem even higher. Perhaps you could consider adding some metaphors or similes to allow for more depth or abstract understanding. Such literary techniques could give the reader different angles to explore the theme.
  
  Also, the rhythm sometimes feels a little uneven - alternating the length and structure of your lines could serve in making it sound smoother and more captivating. Experimenting with different forms like sonnets, haikus, or villanelles could also add an extra layer of intrigue and complexity.
  
  Finally, while maintaining the raw authenticity of your emotions, you might want to consider employing a more subtle approach to deliver your message. Sometimes, subtlety and intrigue can be potent tools in attracting and retaining readers' interests.
  
  Keep up the great work and continue to express yourself authentically. You're doing amazing work by shaping important narrative with your words.
  
  Looking forward to reading more of your work! more »

  LikeReply5 months ago