If You Been Hurt

As nighttime falls, I can hear my thoughts get louder and louder. It’s almost unbearable. So, I’m order to combat these irrational, disproportionate, dark, twisted thoughts, I grab a journal and start writing poetry. I write, and I write, I write until I physically can’t anymore. Sometimes, on a good day, I’ll write maybe 3 or 4 things of poetry. But most times, my bad days, I’ll write 7 or 8…and here come the racing thoughts, I start pacing back and forth in my room. I go nuts trying to quiet them, “Why do you try so hard…” “…Only to be told how NOT worth it you are…” … “Shut it! Bothe of you!” I accidentally say out loud. I pause and hold my breath for a moment, no footsteps…no noise…she’s still asleep. I breathe out slowly but deeply. Maybe I didn’t say it out loud, and it was all in my head? I don’t know at this point. Maybe…everything’s in my head, all the negative voices, all the pain, the hurt, the fear. Maybe I’m overthinking it.”He’s going to leave you, you’ll disappoint him so sorely, he’ll have no choice BUT to leave.” This is what goes on in my brain. “No. I won’t! He promised he wouldn’t. Why would he lie about that, he was taken from you, and he finally got you back…why would he WANT to leave you? He wouldn’t, so stop with this load of B.S., he loves you dearly, he loves you for you. You’re his daughter. His baby-girl. Nothing can take that away.” I remind myself the second part daily, that my dad LOVES me, for ME. And that no matter how bad I mess up, his love will never lessen, or change, and that he will never abandon me.


If you’ve been hurt, you know the struggle. The struggle to just survive with your mind telling you to die. You gotta remind yourself, that the grass is always greener on the other side, just gotta make it there.