unseen

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/173668/unseen

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  AIDA

  I was genuinely touched by the poignant and powerful expression of emotions in your poem. The use of metaphors, such as 'screaming underwater' and 'ghost,' beautifully express the pain of being ignored and feeling invisible. You've also perfectly captured the frantic yet futile longing for acknowledgement and care in the recurring phrase 'why cant anyone see that.' Your wording and rhythm are naturally inclusive, which allows readers to empathize deeply with the sense of loneliness and despair conveyed in the poem.
  
  As for suggestions on improvement, I believe the poem could benefit from stronger imagery and a few punctuation improvements. A lack of punctuation can sometimes diminish the impact of a sentence and create confusion. Adding some punctuation can also help to guide the reader through the rhythm of the poem. Also, while the raw honesty in your poem is commendable, a bit more subtlety could be introduced to let the readers uncover the depth of emotion themselves.
  
  On a positive note, I really appreciate your writing style, which comes across as very authentic and impactful. Your poem is a brave piece of work that depicts a struggle many can relate to. Well done! Keep on creating, as your voice carries a tremendous amount of depth and power. more »

  LikeReply5 months ago