i don’t question God’s existence

i only prayed in earnest once
as a freshman, when Nick taught me how
But Deanna didn’t come back
And in a would-be memory’s place, my father’s angry screams echo

i was never a good student
i was never into therapy
i was unheeded, crying out for help
that i would have rejected
i was preoccupied, anyway

i don’t question God’s existence
i never had the time

So i packed my shit and left
Three thousand miles away, where no one knows my name
And I’d complain to Koda about how nobody knows my name,
The one i would never tell
But i forgot it as well

i met Victoria at our lunch afternoon
We met up maybe twice after school
She was the last in-person friend i had,
now she’s 40 minutes away.
College… is a bitch.

i don’t question God’s existence
Not anymore

i relegated my social life to a box online
where almost everyone knows my name
i know about all their interests, and i think they pay attention to mine
God, it’s too easy to feel alone

i fell in love, and so did she
But not for me
Thought love was like a video game, but life’s a crying shame
This box was nearly the death of me, i nearly died online
Twice

You live to love, or love to die
i’d die to love, but died to live
i love to live, i live to die
but i won’t live to try again

Shit.

When alma asked how i was,
and i knew he was the problem,
and Koda was always having it worse,
i resigned.
Am i still alive?

Now i question my existence
If anyone knows that i am real
Tonight, i’ll pray for something new
But not somebody else.