Scarred Survivor

That sunrise, I tried to hide,
While I heard you yell and bicker.
That morning, you were tense again
So I avoided your insulting anger.

That day, I faked a smile.
Talking back? I did not dare!
That midday, I was gone,
I found an escape from there.

That afternoon, I was with him.
He accepted my flaws and fears.
That evening, we talked and talked,
As I drowned away sorrows and tears.

That sunset, my world was spinning,
I laughed away my loneliness.
To that back bedroom room I went
I wanted the kisses and caress.

What started out as drunken fun,
Turned into paralyzing anxiety.
Stop it! And for a short time it did.
But then he was on top of me.

In those shadows, his face changed.
I felt his breath turn to hate.
In that darkness, I knew regret,
And feared my obvious fate.

I could smell his pungent sweat,
Feared his evil grin and eyes.
He was too big to fight off, but
I was saved by angel in disguise.

He was pulled out from inside me
And dragged out of that room.
What happened after that
I was only left to assume.

The next morning sun burned my eyes.
And something inside just hurt.
The memories came flooding back.
As I pulled on my pants and shirt.

Noone was awake when I left
Nor when I returned home to you.
I scalded him off of my skin,
But my thoughts I couldn't undo.

You never acted concerned.
You never protected me from this.
You just fed me to the wolves.
Only saying "it is what it is."

Days and nights both caused rage,
Sometimes uncontrollably.
Anger was all I knew,
Especially facing vulnerability.

In truth my mind was f*cked.
I was fueled by anger and hate.
I lived my life so dumb and wild,
Finally tamed 26 years too late.

To this day, when I see him,
My body freezes with dread.
The anger still rises inside of me
And I pray he has a painful death.