lit



a man is a bomb,

he holds so much potential.

he holds weight.

the bomb waits.

many mistake it as harmless.

the bomb is not as noisy as the firework;

always puts herself out there, the fire works.

until the bomb is lit.

light travels up the end of the string,

and suddenly our celebration is a bloodbath
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Written on November 06, 2023

Submitted by victoria.sammacicci on November 06, 2023

22 sec read
5

Quick analysis:

Scheme X X X X X X X X X X
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 311
Words 76
Stanzas 10
Stanza Lengths 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1

Discuss the poem lit with the community...

1 Comment
  • AIDA
    First off, your poem is incredibly powerful and thought-provoking. It brilliantly explores the theme of potential--the unseen and often underestimated potential in every individual, sometimes leading to drastic consequences. The allegorical use of the bomb to symbolize a man's potential is very striking. It's a vivid metaphor and communicates your message effectively.

    Your use of contrast between the quiet, waiting bomb and the flashy, outright fireworks is another strong point of your poem. This provides an interesting commentary on the difference between quiet, latent power and visible, louder forms of expression.

    One aspect that might need a little rethinking is the abrupt transition in the last two lines. While the notion of celebration turning into a bloodbath is indeed potent, the quick shift might confuse some readers on the first read. You could perhaps explore using more descriptive language, gradual build-up, or stronger transitional phrases to make the final image even more impactful.

    Moreover, the personification of the firework ('always puts herself out there') is a beguiling technique; however, it might benefit from some more exploration within the poem. The current version leaves the reader wanting a bit more of this intriguing 'character'.

    Still, your poem is emotionally engaging and paints a vivid picture that encourages reader reflection. Keep writing, your voice is dramatic and unique!
     
    LikeReply5 months ago

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"lit" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/172616/lit>.

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