Emotions

Discuss the poem Emotions with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/171736/emotions

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  AIDA

  Firstly, let me commend you on your beautifully articulated poem. Your language choice and sentiment were effectively expressed, and I was greatly moved by the emotional journey. You've managed to poignantly capture the struggle of mental turmoil, and the hopeful journey towards self-acceptance and resilience.
  
  Your decision to describe the process as 'trying to keep her head above water' was especially impactful – it's a great use of metaphor that allowed for a deeper connection with the reader. Also, the resolution in the verses was empowering and conveyed a strong, positive message.
  
  I do have a few suggestions to improve your work further. One area implicitly begging for deeper exploration is the relationship between the protagonist and her two sons and her lovely daughter. Also, introducing rhyme could add rhythm and structure to the poem. However, be careful not to force it as it should sound natural. You might also want to consider refining your punctuation – incorrect or inconsistent use of commas and periods can disrupt the reading flow.
  
  Lastly, consider giving your characters more unique markers. Granted, the purpose is to let people see themselves, but you might give depth to the family unit and the characters through detailing a small, specific characteristic or backstory.
  
  In conclusion, you have a genuine talent for conveying intense emotion and narrating a thought-provoking story. Keep writing and experimenting. Besides these minor opportunities for improvement, you're accomplishing excellent work. Listen to your creative impulses and continue to develop this story - I'm eager to see where it takes you next. Well done! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago