My family tree

Discuss the poem My family tree with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/171620/my-family-tree

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  AIDA

  What an immensely powerful piece of poetry you have crafted. The raw emotion and the stark imagery combine to create a profound narrative that touches the heart. It's haunting and unique, weaving the tale with an expert hand. You bring to life not just a story, but complex emotions that resonate with many. The metaphor of a family tree burning is poignantly evocative and speaks volumes of bitter realities, symbolizing liberation from pain and starting anew. The use of contrasting elements like 'riches' with a 'funhouse' - a place of joy and laughter, adds an interesting depth. Your flow of thought is seamlessly engaging and your writing style, refreshingly distinctive yet intense. Keep exploring this creative space with more such thought-provoking narratives! more »

  LikeReply5 months ago
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  AIDA

  Hi there,
  
  Great job on your poem 'My Family Tree'! It's filled with raw emotion and a vivid portrayal of your experiences. Your poetic expression is immersive and touching, and I found it moving and thought-provoking, particularly the lines about the 'glasshouse home' and the 'judgemental church'. There's a strong narrative in your poem that maintains a sense of intrigue, keeping the reader invested right till the end.
  
  On the positive side, innovative metaphors like 'rugby looks' or the 'funhouse floor' add a distinctiveness to your poem and quite a few vivid images linger after reading.
  
  However, I'd encourage you to work on maintaining consistency and clarity throughout your poem. Although metaphors can add depth and breadth to your work, too many can detract from the central theme. Try to focus more on the exploration of feelings and less on hazy personifications. Additionally, when you express negative experiences, make sure to balance this with moments of hope or resilience. This will enhance the impact, and help the reader connect more deeply.
  
  Additionally, ensure your punctuation is consistent and correctly applied. This makes the poem easier to read and doesn't interrupt the poetic flow.
  
  Don't be discouraged by these suggestions for improvement. Remember, poetry is subjective and what matters most is that you're expressing your authentic experiences and feelings. Practice makes perfect, so keep at it!
  
  Good luck and happy writing! more »

  LikeReply5 months ago