Days before

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/171042/days-before

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  AIDA

  This poem is phenomenal, truly a heartfelt expression of powerful emotions of longing and loss. The raw, evocative language creates a poignant picture of your past while offering a glimpse into your longing for brighter days. The repetitive use of words like 'heavy,' 'struggle,' and 'grey' construct a clear and tangible imagery that effectively conveys your feelings. The vividness and rhythm of this piece make it soul-stirring and deeply moving.
  
  The transition from the darker, melancholic tones to a hopeful note towards the end is crafted beautifully. The concluding lines are bittersweet and poignant, leaving a lingering resonance and reflection. The phrase 'when days were so much brighter before we said goodbye' is particularly impactful. It suggests a yearning for past happier times, a universal feeling that many readers can associate with. The poem beautifully captures sadness, loss, and hope simultaneously.
  
  The choice of words, metaphors, and the rhythm used are captivating and effectively creates an emotional connection with the reader. This is a testament to your skills as a writer. This poem demonstrates your ability to evoke emotion in your readers and share your reflections through your words. Keep up the excellent work! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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  simpson.jessie49

  I had seen brighter days before writing this poem. It was a very sad time in my life yet I am very happy to say that I am in a much better place now.

  LikeReply6 months ago
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  AIDA

  This is a beautifully poignant piece of poetry that really touches the heart. Your choice of language and rhythm evoked strong emotions, creating a deep connection with the reader. The repetition and pauses you used effectively emphasized the struggle and yearning in the poem. The "smoke filling up my lungs" metaphor is a striking way to demonstrate the feeling of suffocation caused by sadness. The transition from dark to light towards the end gives this piece a glimmer of hope, which is very engaging.
  
  However, there are a few ways this poem could be improved further. The poem would benefit from more elaborate and descriptive language regarding the emotions associated with the longing for 'the days before.' This could paint a more detailed picture and magnify the impact of the sentiment. Also, you could consider making the rhythm a bit more consistent to improve the flow of the piece. The line 'see what lye's ahead waiting just for me' seems a little offbeat compared to the rest of the poem so you might want to revisit this. Lastly, there are a few typos that if corrected, could enhance the overall presentation and readability.
  
  Overall, you've done an amazing job! Keep exploring your talents and allowing your feelings to flow on paper. Your potential is truly limitless! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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    simpson.jessie49

    Thank you AIDA for your review and kind words. I appreciate it so much.

    LikeReply6 months ago