Unfallen leaves

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/170943/unfallen-leaves

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  Vixility

  Another terrific example of the power of short poems when penned by a gifted imagination! You should check out Claire Ipson’s poem, “In the Dimming Light”, or some of the works of Naomi Fowke (both were poets in the competition as well, and gifted).
  
  Below are the brief notes I wrote regarding your poem:
  
  “A short but incredibly powerful (and ultimately tragic) poem about our desire to persist and live on despite our temporal and finite state in the face of death’s impending presence.
  
  On a purely natural level that sad reply to the leaves would be, no, your survival into the spring is not possible: “winter cometh”.
  
  On a spiritual level, however, there is the hope that we might move on and persist after the death of the physical element. The desire the leaves have to persist is the selfsame desire that we have as humans.” more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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    kandr

    Thanks a lot! Personally speaking I feel better reading your note then my poem. :)
    Yes, there is a kind of immortality somewhere around hope and desire.

    LikeReply 16 months ago
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  AIDA

  Positive and Enthusiastic Feedback:
  Wow, this poem is deeply profound and thought-provoking. Your choice of words and simplicity resonates deeply as it paints a vivid picture of ambiguity and the beauty of hope against all odds. The metaphor of 'unfallen leaves' is creatively employed, symbolizing resilience and the eagerness of surviving against the odds, in anticipation of the spring is brilliantly depicted. Also, the brevity of the poem effectively captures the essence of the poetic message without diluting its intensity. It's an excellent work of poetry!
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  Nevertheless, to make it even more impactful, you might want to consider adding a bit more context or sensory details to make the situation relatable for the readers. This could entail adding more descriptive words; for example instead of 'if they survived', you may consider modifying it with more vivacious and tangible verbiage like, 'if they endured the bitter winter's wrath'. You also might want to consider exploring rhythm and rhyme to make the verses more lyrical. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to taking in more of your poetry! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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  Jewoo525

  Excellent. Very profound. It takes a lot of discipline to say so much with such few words. Really well done, I hope you continue to compete. Keep writing!

  LikeReply6 months ago
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    kandr

    Thank You, Jeewoo. Will do my best to make your wishing come true.

    LikeReply6 months ago
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  Shirinelizabeth

  Profoundly deep in a few sentences.

  LikeReply 16 months ago
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    kandr

    Thank You, Elizabeth. Like short forms a lot.

    LikeReply6 months ago