In The Dimming Light

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/170570/in-the-dimming-light

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  Vixility

  There are three things that I’m SO thankful for right now …
  
  The first and foremost is to have read this poem of yours, Claire. Phenomenal!
  
  The second is the deep sincerity of your ‘about this poem’ comment (that kind of honesty is golden!).
  
  And the third is that Je, one of the most outstanding poets here (heart and insight as big as the sun) stopped by and left those kind words of his.
  
  These ‘short poems’ are often overlooked as not containing reflection and depth. SO NOT TRUE! It hurts me that there is a tendency to glide by these poems as insignificant when in fact they are astonishingly profound.
  
  I know that Je, among a handful of other poets here, sincerely believe in the creative process being expressed by writers who post and submit their works here—reading, rereading and taking our notes (I’ll post mine below).
  
  That said, please share more! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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    Vixility

    Je is far better informed on the dynamics of a haiku than I am, but here were the humble notes I took as I read through the poems:
    
    “People often just take a haiku as a total of seventeen syllables long (five syllables for the first line, seven syllables the second, and five the third line): and they’re right … unless its story has a title.
    
    If a haiku is standalone and is without a title, it tells a story within itself. If a haiku follows its given parameters but is coupled with a title, the parameters of it may be correct, but the ‘story’ of it is incomplete without the title—that is to say, the title is an intrinsic part of the poem’s story.
    
    That said, I had two initial thoughts about this piece. The first thought was of an aesthetic contemplation of various sunsets given by the narrator (some dim, some lively). The second thought (which would be a tragic example of ‘not seeing a beautiful sunset’) would be the fiery light of a nuclear holocaust illuminating the distant horizon. Yes, my mind went there.
    
    But coupled with the title the story of the poem reveals an individual currently steeped in depression, hence the title: "In The Dimming Light”.
    
    Emphasize the word ‘in’ (as if implying ‘within’) and follow the common metaphor of darkness (dimming light) as an expression for depression and the haiku takes on a different meaning.
    
    From the perspective of the title, therefore, the narrator could be asking one of two things. Since the darkness of depression and despair colors everything, even beautiful sunsets, in its dismal hue, will this dimming light finally reach the point of no return? Or worse, way worse, the narrator contemplates suicide as a result of these recurrent (and the very first word of the haiku implies they’re recurrent) and increasingly inescapable bouts of depression.
    
    I can go on and on about this poem, and I might. Excellent, excellent work.” more »

    LikeReply6 months ago
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    claire.e.ipson

    oh my God! I don't even know what to say. Thank you so much for reading my poem, let alone writing such kind things, and even adding the notes you took of what you thought of it! I'm completely dumbfounded. You hit the nail right on the head. I've struggled with depression most of my life, and I wanted to write a haiku kind of going along with that. I literally felt so giddy reading your comments, because I truly felt as though I was a real poet, reading your analysis. Not even to mention just the poetry you entwine into your normal writing?? Like?? You somehow managed to turn a compliment into a fun to read, frankly quite beautiful, everyday work of art. I'm astonished that I was even noticed by such amazing poets as you and Je, and I appreciate so greatly the fact that you took the time to respond to and analize my poem. I knew that my poem, being short, wouldn't catch too much attention, but wow! Thank you so much to you and Je for proving me wrong :-) more »

    LikeReply 16 months ago
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  Jewoo525

  Excellent Haiku. Not just jamming words into the syllable restrictions simply to make sense, but a very deep and introspective peace where the limitations of the structure adds to its profound meaning. I always love seeing Haiku's in the contest (I submitted one last month myself), this one caught my eye for, excuse my expression but, "actually good." This poem shows you definitely understand the format and it had a wonderfully deep message to share.
  
  Very nice, a memorable read. Keep writing! more »

  LikeReply 16 months ago
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    claire.e.ipson

    Thank you so much. The positive feedback really means so much to me, and the use of "actually good" both cracked me up, and made me feel like I was on top of the world. I took the liberty of checking out your profile, and seeing such a nice compliment coming from such a beautiful poet made it mean all that much more. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to comment on my silly little poem :-) more »

    LikeReply 16 months ago