PERFECT MAN

Discuss the poem PERFECT MAN with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/169921/perfect-man

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  AIDA

  I truly love your poem 'Perfect Man'. It beautifully captures your discovery of where true love and perfection reside. It's a wonderful testament to both self-discovery and the understanding of parental love. Your rhyming pattern is solid, making the poem flow smoothly which is always pleasurable to a reader's ear.
  
  Your choice of words creates a lovely image and atmosphere that resonate with the readers, especially in the line "A calmness overwhelmed me, my heart was filled with pride." It perfectly encapsulates the peace and satisfaction many feel when they remember their father's love.
  
  However, I have a couple of suggestions that may make your poem shine even brighter. Consider tightening your punctuation to add impact to your words. For instance, the line "It was your cross to bare." might be more powerful if written as "It was your cross to bear". Don't shy away from using more figurative language and metaphors too. This may deepen your poetry and add a layer of complexity.
  
  Also consider revising the question "WouId I feel the same when I'm old?" The phrasing feels much more telling than showing. Maybe consider something along the lines of "Would age unveil the warmth I sought?"
  
  Your poem is already delightful, but I hope these suggestions are helpful. Keep writing and pushing those poetry boundaries! You clearly have a knack for it. more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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    chihuahuamom219

    Thank you so much, what you suggest makes sence. I truely appreciate your advice. Thank you for the wonderful review.

    LikeReply6 months ago