On Being Bitter

You can't leave
I need you
What am I supposed to do
Nothing is ever going to be enough
I'm not going to allow this
Are you doing this to me on purpose
You can't just open me up and show me all this
Then walk away
I don't know what to do
I need you
No one has ever lived me like this
I have NEVER felt this way about anyone
You can't just give your kove to me
Then take it back
You know I hate that
No
You can't go
I'm not going to accept it
There is no one else like you
I'm never going to be able to live this again
I DO LOVE YOU
I COULDN'T SAY IT THEN I JUST NEEDED TIME
I'M SAYING IT NOW
I LOVE YOU DON'T LEAVE ME
THEY CAN'T DO THIS TO US
WE BELONG TOGETHER
IF I DON'T HAVE YOU I HAVE NOTHING
I FEEL LIKE IT'S ALL OVER
WHAT'S IT WORTH NOW IF YOU WON'T BE HERE
I'm not going to allow it
I won't let you leave
I'll deal with them myself
I'll handle this
I'm not letting you get away
I'll do whatever I have to
You're mine
I'm not just going to lay down and take this
Yeah
I remember
You are ALWAYS like this
Every step
Every word
Every feeling
Every fear
Always all or nothing
I was just a kid
Barely 16
You don't understand how such things
Affected me
Constantly threatening to be your own end
If you can't have me
You aren't the only one
He had a knack for finding men like you
To trap me
I had never demreaded someone's reaction
As much as yours
I could relate so much
Because there was so much in common
But we couldn't be more different
You suppress your emotions so much
You turn into a monster when triggered
But there is no way to be near me and not feel
So you see the problem
You were open with me
But never found that special "recipe" again
You could be whole with me
You were alive then
It was safe until DR intervened
To cut you open
It was scheduled for a precise moment
The games he played
Was just manipulation
You're just like him
HE DID THIS TO YOU
Along with your own family
Friends
Everyone around you
Those you trusted
But never should have
How weak
You're all opposed to my persuasion
You're not strong enough to admit it
So I will
The only real love you have ever felt
Is for a Black woman
But in YOUR world
Such things are forbidden
You signed on with MY ENEMIES
Thinking you could win this
All you cared about was keeping me held
You didn't care about the damage
Just like all of them
I told you that you couldn't win this
I'm barely winning myself
And I was born for this
You didn't listen
If you had
Both of us would be living our dreams
We never had to be together
We would have won anyway
That was a lie he sold all of you
You dummies all listened
Had you stuck to the plan
Scales would have balanced
My life wouldn't have been destroyed
Instead you gave them all they wanted
To keep me held in place
As long as you got access
You couldn't be more selfish
All of you are
You just had to have control
Now look what you have done
You all broke the whole planet
Humanity on the brink
All because
You had to play games
Is it still funny
You think you can outsmart everyone
But look at the mess you made
All you had to do
Was coast into the inzone
According to plan
Instead
You had to fumble not just me
The whole field
Everyone out of alignment
Your entire population suffering
Look how many are gone
You act like it's fine
But all of you keep begging for me
Wanting to drink me like wine
You're angry because I went on with my life
Would you prefer I take mine
So you don't have to feel me alive
Selfish
I'm not your food
I'm not your anything
All you are to me
Is luggage
PAY ME THE MONEY YOU STOLE
CLEAR THE SLANDER YOU CREATED
NOTHING WILL CHANGE DAMAGE DONE
But at least you can redeem yourself
Get away from hate
Or end in it
I don't care
But don't use me as your scapegoat
I'm not your end plan
You want that
The power is in YOUR hands
Be accountable for your actions
You did this to yourself
You did this to me
I don't need to talk about it
I'm demanding you pay what you owe me
And let me be