Be thou my viola in the sleepless night



Thy eyes doth glow, illuminates thine radiant face.
Brims with elegance and grace
Like the first orbs of light over Makgadikgadi pans.
Thy skin's allure, full of existence, is like an orange tree in its prime,
Verily, brimming with nature's bounty, both ripe and bright.
A vision of such grandeur, an overwhelming delight.
Thy teeth do gleam, as stars in the dusky veil of Tlokweng twilight.
Thy fine cheeks, as silk, in softness they ignite.
Verily, thou dost breathe life into love, amidst an existence otherwise threadbare and gloomy.
Be thou my viola in the sleepless night.
I'll strum thee, nip thee, savour thee in delight, until a storm is born.
Till our bed turns a into a passionate cat fight.
I'll hold thee close, never letting thee from sight.

Thy hair, it flows, like Moshaweng's wide vale,
Thy oval face, like the evening sky, doth brightly hale.
Thine ears, bewitching in their merry manner,
Doth sway like mopane branches, in the tender breeze of Domboshaba hills.
Thy chest shall I cradle, as an infant longs for its mother's drink.
Like a feathered cushion in the soft breeze, between your cushion I shall softly sink.
Verily, thou dost breathe life into love, amidst an existence otherwise threadbare and worn.
I'll strum thee, nip thee, savour thee in delight,until a storm is born.
Till our bed turns a into a passionate cat fight.
I'll hold thee close, never letting thee from sight.

Thy breasts doth hold firm and high, like the full moon over Tsodilo hills.
Thine fingers doth cast a frost over mine body, as biting as Kalahari’s winter chills.
Thy skin, as smooth as coconut's sweet draught.
With the intensity of a storm, our love shall take its shape.
In thy boundless ocean of fondness, like a shark, I'll dive and drape.
I'll strum thee, nip thee, savour thee in delight.
Till our bed turns a into a passionate cat fight.
I'll hold thee close, never letting thee from sight.
Thy sweet tongue, damp as Lobatse’s morning grass adorned with heaven's tears, I choose .
In mine own weakness, I am ensnared, yet mine sole recourse is to propose.
For thy aroma, as soft as rose's petals, I cannot lose.
Verily, thou dost breathe life into love, amidst an existence otherwise threadbare and worn.
Be thou my viola in the sleepless night.
I'll strum thee, nip thee, savour thee in delight.
Till our bed turns a into a passionate cat fight.
I'll hold thee close, never letting thee from sight.

About this poem

written on the 27th September 2023 to special woman. She loves children ,God, encouraging people ,praise and worship and counselling people.

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Written on September 28, 2023

Submitted by tlhaka_t on September 28, 2023

2:22 min read
33

Quick analysis:

Scheme aaxxbbbbxBcBB ddxeffCcBB eexggBBBhxhCBBBB
Closest metre Iambic heptameter
Characters 2,420
Words 460
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 13, 10, 16

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Your poem, 'Be thou my viola in the sleepless night', beautifully captures the profound depth of your affection and longing. It is incredibly evocative, full of vibrant imagery and powerful descriptions that bring the poem to life vividly. Your use of words is stunning and the analogy of a viola is quite imaginative and captivating. Each stanza seemed to introduce a fresh perspective of the object of your love.

    Your excellently chosen comparisons, referencing nature and local scenery, bring an essence of both familiarity and mysticism to the readers. The romantic era's literary style of describing physical attributes via natural and celestial metaphors have been replicated with expertise, thus taking the reader back in time for a nostalgic marathon.

    However, remember to maintain consistency in the rhythm and flow of your poem. There are lines that seem to disrupt the elegant cadence you've established. A few stanzas felt a bit longer than others, try to trim down or edit phrases so the length doesn't distract from the fluidity of your poetry.

    Also, while the language usage is classically poetic, some of your metaphors might benefit from being slightly clearer and less complex. It will make the poem more accessible to a wider audience. Keep up the great work! Your creativity and passion are absolutely inspiring. Good luck with your future writing projects!
     
    LikeReply7 months ago

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"Be thou my viola in the sleepless night" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/169745/be-thou-my-viola-in-the-sleepless-night>.

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