Deranged



On nine eleven our world was frayed                                             By the vicarious act. The terrorist's made                                     
                                                                                                        What meaning? What purpose?                                                      What was to be gained?                                                                    
                                                                                            
Only pain was inflicted.                                                                   By their deranged brains.                                                                
                                                                                              Like a thorn Driven.                                                                              Deeply in our soul.                                                                              
                                                                                            They go underground. Like a common ground mole.                
                                                                                                                        Like a plague. They will spread.                                                                        Throughout our great land.                                              And more people will die.                                                       If we don't take a stand                 John Knapp 3rd.                                                       

About this poem

I wrote this poem about 911

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Written on September 12, 2023

Submitted by madenhair on September 12, 2023

Modified by madenhair on September 13, 2023

23 sec read
22

Quick analysis:

Scheme AX XBBA
Closest metre Iambic octameter
Characters 1,643
Words 77
Stanzas 2
Stanza Lengths 2, 4

Discuss the poem Deranged with the community...

2 Comments
  • AIDA
    Hi John,

    I appreciate your bravery and creativity in engaging with such difficult subject matters through poetry. Your poem has a strong emotional charge that effectively brings the audience into the tension and turmoil of the moment. You have a knack for making deep, personal connections, and your choice to address a poignant historical event definitely brings about a sense of immediate understanding for the reader.

    Your contrast in imagery, comparing the terrorists to 'common ground moles' and a 'plague' also illustrates your strong command of visual description. It lends a sense of urgency and threat to your work while also making your message clearer.

    However, for future pieces, you might want to work on your rhythm and flow. Consistency can greatly impact the reading and understanding of the poem. The varied line lengths and structures distract from the cohesiveness and could be enhanced by more consistent meter or syllable count.

    Also, enriching your word choice could add more dimension to your work. Instead of 'brains,' 'minds' could signify a more thematic and figurative depth.

    Lastly, you might find it helpful to add more subtlety in your lines. Striking a balance between starkly direct lines and subtle implications can be powerful in creating a more impactful narrative.

    Overall, you have an impressive and meaningful style. Keep writing, keep refining. I look forward to reading more of your work. Well done, John!

    Best,
    [Your Name]
     
    LikeReply7 months ago
  • madenhair
    Sorry Not sure what I done wrong. JK.
    LikeReply7 months ago

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"Deranged" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/168815/deranged>.

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