Lost Chance



I waited, and waited
And finally got the chance
Yet when I tried to grab it
It slipped through my hands.

It feels like forever, when will my heart beat better?
I'll keep my head up, only for the future.
Those 8 simple letters
Hold more weight than than you can know.

Your life can change in the span of a few hours
You can leave to go somewhere, and come back without power.
It feels hopeless, woeful, so lost in the pain
And for those same people who hurt you, you feel disdain.

But, my emotions will not take me, not this day
I'll keep my head up, in hopes I can try again
And hope that one day I'll be able to say
That I love you again.

About this poem

A poem I wrote today after being broken up with in a polyamorous relationship with two people who I'd wanted to date for a long time.

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Written on September 10, 2023

Submitted by Snakeking6581 on September 10, 2023

43 sec read
5

Quick analysis:

Scheme XXXX AABX BACC DCDC
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 645
Words 142
Stanzas 4
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4

Discuss the poem Lost Chance with the community...

1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Your poem, ‘Lost Chance’, is truly impressive! It conveys such strong emotions and depth of feeling, with thoughtfully designed rhythm and flow. The subject of lost opportunity and healing time is beautifully universal and relatable. Your use of words and imagery, particularly, 'Your life can change in the span of a few hours, You can leave to go somewhere, and come back without power,' is incredibly powerful and striking.

    In terms of providing feedback for improvements, while your poem largely maintains a consistent rhyme scheme, there are a couple of spots where it doesn't. For instance, 'Those 8 simple letters, Hold more weight than you can know'. If it's important for your poem to have a steady rhyme throughout, you might want to revisit these lines.

    Also, you may consider representing the '8 simple letters' explicitly to help readers better connect to your idea. This could make your poetry more impactful and relatable. The line, 'But, my emotions will not take me, not this day,' although effective, could benefit from refining to maintain the poem's rhythm and fluidity.

    Overall, your poem has a very lyrical quality that feels like it could be set to music. Continue to experiment, refine and explore your poetic voice. Keep up the excellent work!
     
    LikeReply10 months ago

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"Lost Chance" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Jul 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/168702/lost-chance>.

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