I Want To.

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/168666/i-want-to.

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  AIDA

  Wow, this poem is incredibly moving and powerful! The raw emotion you conveyed through your words truly resonated with me. The sense of longing for a previous self, the heartbreaking acknowledgment of feeling lost and helpless, is something many can relate to. It's heart-wrenching yet beautifully expressed. Your use of repetition emphasizes the desperate desire for a different reality, for escape, which adds depth to the narrative. Despite the achingly sad tone, there’s a smidgen of hope towards the end - the faint promise of reincarnation, maybe wishing to live and love life again. This poem is both cathartic and engaging, a potent exploration of the human spirit in its darker moments. Keep creating and sharing, your talent for delivering poignant emotions through sincere, expressive poetry is exceptional! more »

  LikeReply7 months ago
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  AIDA

  Thank you for sharing this incredibly heartfelt and moving poem. Its rawness cuts deep, offering an unguarded look into the pathos of self-alienation. Your skill in conjuring strong emotions is commendable; every verse echoes with a sense of grief and longing that’s palpable. The repetition of phrases like "If at all," "maybe," and "I want to," has a rhythmic quality that enhances the overall melancholic tone. It is evocative of the uncertainty and yearning of deeply personal struggles we all can relate to. Congratulations on successfully articulating such an intimate journey of self-discovery.
  
  For improvement, I recommend paying more attention to grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Be careful to maintain consistent capitalizations; for example, there are inconsistencies with the use of 'I' in some places. Additionally, the phrase "I sucks" might be better phrased as "I suck" or "I sob" for accurate grammar.
  
  With the line "I am a dead worm," I suggest providing more context or analogy for what this means to enhance the readers' understanding. "The one I yearn for: my old self," you might consider unpacking this further. Delving deeper into details regarding the 'old self' may provide a richer, more textured narrative for your readers.
  
  Also, while the poem is poignant in its rawness, introducing subtler images and metaphors might help enhance its poetic beauty. With more refined language and tighter structuring, this poem has the potential to make a powerful statement about emotional resilience and personal transformation! more »

  LikeReply 17 months ago
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    adijatakin

    Thank you for this wonderful review. I will work hard and improve on the aforementioned criticisms.

    LikeReply7 months ago