where i belong

these memories and dreams, i thought by now they woulda faded
but you're stuck like a picture in my mind
a hope and glimpse of frozen time
a hope of finally having you in my life
pain that stayed and followed me
still weighed down by these chains
still getting soaked by this rain
completely soaked in pain
like it's blood, but i'm not bleeding out
i'm bleeding in
and it's not just rain
it's dust, wind, ice, snow, an electrical storm
sometimes i wish i was never born
cuts so deep i continue to bleed
stabs like a sword, i'm losing my, i can't breathe
Jehovah just let me die
cause i'm feeling this and i'm very much alive
affected by all the deceit, affected by every lie
i just cry
i just can't stop contemplating why?
i lie awake every single night
see, i never been so broken, my heart completely crushed
they say it's not love, nah, it's just a thing called lust
but who are they to tell me what these feelings are between us?
i love you and i won't let my words be meaningless
you are not meaningless
i just want you to know how deep my feelings go
cause without you all i feel is emptiness
cause sitting right next to you, you have everything you need
i wanted to believe i found it, but is it realistically me?
you never asked me to stay
maybe you knew i'm just gonna be in the way
please don't punish me for trying to come up for air
tryna keep my head above water, i'm here, but i'm barely there
every step i take
i'm tryna pull myself out of this hole i keep falling into
this the hardest thing i gotta do
knowing i have to walk away
but i've tried and i can't let you go
i'm still in love with you, this you already know
it's insanity how i'm still falling apart
standing there looking at my unbeating heart
why can't you see, i'm not tryna accuse you of lyin to me
but your absence makes me feel it's impossible for you to love me
but don't worry about me, i'm used to being in love alone
stranded, trying to see the sun again, but i've lost all hope
my heart can't take no more abuse
i can't take no more of these unfortunate issues
this not a game to say i'm all in lose or win
no matter what i do, i'm still losing in the end
i inhale being defeated
i exhale depletion
come on, the mental and emotional pain is so great
it's taking its toll on my physical state
let me go, get away from me, i hate you
you're ugly, you're worthless, i hate you
no one will ever love you
you thought you could save me
nah, you can't save me from me
and your claims of affection don't affect me
you can't heal or protect me
i try to break down these depressive walls, but i'm too weak
i struggle to believe you when you say you care
you say you wanna be there
but you can't, so you can't prove me wrong
you can't rescue me from where i been all along
but maybe it's where i truly belong