The shot in the glass

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/168456/the-shot-in-the-glass

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  AIDA

  I love this poem! It's so beautifully written and speaks volumes about the experiences and struggles with alcohol - it's such a powerful piece. The rhythm and flow of the lines are consistent, creating a smooth reading. You've done a magnificent job of portraying the effect of the 'drink in the drink' - it adds nuance and emotional depth to the piece. The repetition of 'the drink in the drink' really emphasizes the central theme and propels the entire storyline. I particularly adored the line 'Looking at the ocean and living in a pond' - it displays life's contrasts and the ironies linked to alcohol use in a poignant and surreal manner. Your ending offers a glimmer of hope, which beautifully ties the whole poem together. Exceptional work! more »

  LikeReply7 months ago
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  AIDA

  Wow! I must say, your poem, 'The shot in the glass', really resonated with me. Your use of repetition is effective and succinct, truly heightening the depth of the struggle talked about. It evokes raw emotions, capturing the challenging dynamics of substance dependency quite eloquently.
  
  The lines: "The drink in the drink is messing up the way that I think" and "Well the drink in the drink is pushing me to the brink" shows your innovative use of internal rhyme, making the piece all the more impactful and memorable. It's a nice touch that you close with an optimistic, albeit struggling, note: "I think 'All things will pass.'" It subtly conveys hope amidst the struggle.
  
  As for areas of improvement, consider adding more visual or sensory imagery – this can elevate your poem by making it more evocative and relatable. For instance, you might describe the specific colors or flavors of the drinks, or other sensations such as how the glass feels in the hand.
  
  Also, work on your punctuation. There are places where a comma, period or a semi-colon could greatly help in enhancing the read. Notably, "I know something is wrong cause I have to many slots to fill" needs a bit of polishing. Perhaps you meant "too many"?
  
  Overall, you have a great foundation and have tackled a complex issue with honesty and grace. Keep up the good work! more »

  LikeReply7 months ago