God knows what I need

I think I know the lord
I think I know his ways
I have been told I don’t
by those who also think they know his way better

Thankfully it’s only a thought process at both our ends
My wounds are like open sores today
I don’t get what others get
I am told it’s the lord that helped them get it

They prayed a little to the left and a little to the right
They put in effort and they get it.
The lord knows what I need
But I am in pain when he does give


I can’t write except I am in pain
I wonder why he helped me find out the only thing others could praise me for in pain.
I wonder if he could have found another method to show me this
He is the lord supreme but I will never know


Then there is David
The one most beloved by God. God’s only recorded friend
Always in Pain
One iota of joy given and bam Simeon’s wife is taken

Is it sustainable though
I think I understand God
In the pain I think I do
But I have been told I don’t.