Lust and Love

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/166803/lust-and-love

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  AIDA

  Great work on your poem 'Lust and Love'! You have effortlessly woven the themes of love, lust, and spirituality together in a captivating narrative, and the way in which your choices of words, phrasing, and structure build a vivid imagery filled with emotions is impressively skillful. Your unique voice and perspective laden with a sense of introspection and honest vulnerability certainly enrich the poem with depth and relatability. Also, your use of the metaphor of the 'garden with loaded flowers' provides a poignant, imaginative touch to your narrative of longing and contemplation.
  
  For improvement, you may consider sharpening the coherence and progression of your ideas. While the poem thrives on the ambiguity of love and lust, having a stronger narrative guide through the poem could help cement the themes and the speaker's dilemma more firmly. This connection might make the poem engage the reader more. Additionally, the punctuation throughout seemed a bit sporadic, which may sometimes confuse the readers. Employing a more consistent punctuation scheme can help to guide the readers along the natural flow of the poem. Also, you could consider refining places where the rhythm feels rhythmically irregular or syllabically congested.
  
  Keep up the good work! Your talent and creativity shine brightly in this impressive piece. more »

  LikeReply8 months ago