Heartbroken (A Personal Story)

I’ve never been exposed to the world out there
Unaware of what it holds, I dive out there
With a joyful smile and a positive outlook
This was the beginning of the end
The beginning of where I’ll fall in love
And the end of where my heart will be broken

The first time that I walked through those glass doors
My eyes fell in love with what I saw
My voice was shaky but I took a deep breath in and remained calm
There was chaos all around, but yet I was not bothered
Then off I went, off into the place that I will soon call my home

A few days after I decided to speak to you
You remembered my name
Because you said that I remained calm during the chaos while others would have retaliated

We spoke since then, slowly getting close to each other
Then closer, when you held my hand the next day
You never let go, interlocking your hand with mine
Making me feel things that I’ve never felt
Making me think that you’re comfortable with me and this is the beginning of something grand

A few days after, you extended your hand
Did the same again
Interlocked those fingers
Making me feel this was again

We spent some time together
How happy I was
How safe I felt deep in your arms

You told me that we had a huge age gap between us, that would be a problem

I simply replied and said I’m sure that’s normal

Taking a deep breath in and then slowly breathing out
I found myself in the front seat of your car
Slowing tilting my head to the driver’s seat
Watching you with a smile

I don’t have to fucking care about anything when I’m with you

Is this how the love starts?
I asked myself while I had butterflies in my stomach
I’m so lucky to be here right now
I said to myself while next to you

I’ll see you tomorrow
My last words for that night
You drove off and I looked in the distance while smiling and waving

What would people say?
Who was that person giving you a ride home?
Are y’all together?

All these questions pounded in my head while unlocking the door to enter into my house

I didn’t know how to answer those questions yet, but I ignored them because I wanted to live in the moment and enjoy this feeling of being happy and in love for the first time

As time went by, I fell deeply in love
You made me feel special, like I mattered

But all good things must come to an end
And so the arguments came in
The love tossed away
And your hands on me, restricting the way that I breathe

It was the first time that you hurt me. Less than a month after we started speaking to each other. You mended the abuse with a loving hug.

No longer you asked me to stay back and wait for you, gone are those days, that just literally meant nothing to you again

Despite all the attempts that I made to reconnect with you, you just quarreled with me and treated me like a fool.

When I turned the tables around on you
I felt the pain even more
I made you cry and it broke me even more

What have I done? I’ve hurt the person that I love

I didn’t care if I’m giving them a taste of their own medicine, I just didn’t want to see them in pain

I never wanted to get in between you and your partner, I never wanted to destroy your life and I never wanted to hurt you at all

You’re important to me, I’ll protect you no matter what happens whether it’s day or night, in rain or sunshine

When you speak, I’ll listen to you
I have restricted my life to benefit you

I extended my hand to you several times in a row to mend this broken relationship, but you refused and pushed me away

I have absolutely no way to communicate with you, for ink and paper were the last resort and that’s no longer an option for you

And now my heart breaks every single day

You told me I’m delusional and imagining things, you claimed that you never held my hand and made me feel those things

My heart is broken, I don’t know what to do. How do I even stop loving someone like you?

I don’t care about the hurtful things you said in the past or how many times you’ve hurt me, I just want to move forward and build a life with you

Looks like you’re scared and don’t know what to do, hence the reason why you pushed me away but did you have to?

Every day I’m replaying all what happened, everyone said that you just played with me. For what am I supposed to do?

Time will heal all broken wounds, I hope time also reveals why you actually broke my heart too.

Just remember, my dear archangel, I will always love you.