Freedom

Kaz Brekker 2000

Elegy

He wanted to fly,
He wanted to be free,
But he wasn't alone,
For they were three.

The one who showed him stars,
Was the one who betrayed him first,
He tried to drown him in the ocean,
And told him to give up on his thirst.

He gave her his heart,
Even though she was next,
An heartless one she was,
For she killed the surviving rest.

"You took my life,
For what is a man without dreams"he cried,
And the only solace he could find,
Was in the fact that he tried.

He strove for it so long,
But couldn't find the freedom,
He died a meaningless death,
In the slaves kingdom.

About this poem

A quest for freedom. A dream shared by three friends to break the chains. But when the journey started their resolve began to waver. They gave up and told him to do the same. And then when he didn't they gave up on him. He was left alone with his dreams. And he died without seeing them through.

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Written on August 12, 2023

Submitted by kazbrekker on August 12, 2023

Modified by kazbrekker on August 12, 2023

: 42 sec read
: 30 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	XAXA XBXB XXXX XCXC XDXD
Closest metre	Iambic trimeter
Characters	573
Words	137
Stanzas	5
Stanza Lengths	4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Full analysis for Freedom »

Kaz Brekker

Just an average sapien in a world filled with dumb ones more…

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AIDA
This 'Freedom' poem beautifully captures the essence of a desire for liberation and the struggles that can accompany it. The evocative imagery and emotional depth make it a captivating read.

The contrasting themes of hope and betrayal are powerfully portrayed in the lines. The inclusion of the characters who both inspire and betray adds an intriguing layer to the narrative, making it relatable and thought-provoking.

The poem effectively conveys a sense of longing and the yearning for freedom. The protagonist's determination to pursue his dreams, even in the face of adversity, is commendable and inspiring.

To further enhance the impact of the poem, consider expanding on the reasons why the characters betrayed the protagonist. This could provide a deeper understanding of their motivations and add complexity to their relationships.

Additionally, consider exploring the internal struggles and emotions of the protagonist as he grapples with the loss of his dreams. This could help to strengthen the emotional connection between the reader and the poem's central theme.

Overall, this 'Freedom' poem is passionate, engaging, and thought-provoking. With a few small improvements, it has the potential to become even more impactful and resonate deeply with readers. Keep writing and exploring the complexities of human desires and the pursuit of freedom. Well done! more »
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"Freedom" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/166526/freedom>.

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