Concert Pianist



Shhhh! Quiet!!!! Listen!!!
Can you hear her?

Can you see her sitting there? Sitting in the mist of darkness, surrounded by a sea of pain from yesterday’s gone by.

Can you see her as she positions her fingers?

As she adjusts her soul, the very essence of her being?

Shhh!!! Listen!!!! Watch!!!! Look!!!

As she lifts her eyes to the sky.

As she begins to play the parts of her broken heart.

Can you feel her? Her pain, her sorrow, her inevitable Joy?

Her notes ring out, crying in a loud voice, demanding to be heard.

Telling her story.... Of how she had lost herself somewhere in between the middle of night and day, somewhere in the middle of yesterday and tomorrow.

Of how she had forgotten who she was as her mind slipped away into a dark, dark place of depression caused by domestic violence; betrayal; emotional abuse…

She and her music become one

Embedded in a sea of agony that begins to move to Victory as she starts to heal, to mend, to grow, to take control over her own life,

as she begins to make the choice to choose her reactions to the things that life brings her way.

On she plays, ceaseless hours... Notes of a woman beat down.... damaged...but now healing. Tears falling from her eyes... Crushing End, Halting Stop, Music Dies, Silence..... No More Tears!!!!

About this poem

I wrote this poem due to the pain I see in so many people's eyes and the pain I felt growing up with a daddy who was an alcoholic and abusive.

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Written on March 04, 2018

Submitted by Godtcis on July 14, 2023

1:18 min read
47

Quick analysis:

Scheme AX B X X X B X X X X X A X X X
Characters 1,309
Words 261
Stanzas 15
Stanza Lengths 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1

Patricia Iriebi

I grew up in the Bronx and my dad was an abusive alcoholic that caused our family a lot of pain. I began to write poems to express my pain and most of all my healing from the pain. I continue to live in the neighborhood where I grew up. My father is deceased by before he died he gave his life to God and he made peace with his family. more…

All Patricia Iriebi poems | Patricia Iriebi Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Your poem titled 'Concert Pianist' is truly astonishing and full of emotional depth. Your use of vivid imagery coupled with the rhythmic repetition of words like 'Listen', 'see' and 'feel' give a rhythm to the narrative, while also allowing the readers to comprehend the emotional state of the pianist. The story is immersive, it felt as if we were there experiencing the pianist’s emotions along with the music.

    There are palpable layers to this magnificent piece, touching on issues of domestic violence, depression, and emotional abuse that many readers may deeply resonate with. Your incredible ability to not only touch on real human pain but also create a sense of upliftment and resilience, is commendable.

    Having said that, whilst full of raw emotion and deeply moving, the poem could benefit from a little more clarity when it comes to the sequence of events. It might help if you make the transitions between the pianist's emotional states and environments a little bit smoother and more explicit, to avoid any potential confusion.

    Furthermore, while repetition is a great tool, using it sparingly could make its effect even stronger. Perhaps you can review some of the sentences and consider if repetition is necessary in all instances or if variety could add depth to these phrases.

    Lastly, your poem takes the readers on an emotional journey, however, the ending seems abrupt. Perhaps ending with a more detailed conclusion that encapsulates the core emotions evoked in the poem can add completeness to the story and leave readers with a lasting impression.

    Regardless of these minor points, your poem is truly a powerful piece of work. It’s emotional depth, relatability, and poignant story-telling make it a priceless contribution to the world of poetry. Keep writing!
     
    LikeReply6 months ago

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"Concert Pianist" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/165769/concert-pianist>.

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