Last Flight of the Red Baron

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/165118/last-flight-of-the-red-baron

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  Vixility

  I've read this poem of yours several times over the last few days. All I have to say is: wuh-wow. The technical military and aviation vernacular your use coupled with your storytelling ability (as in "Quiet Cemetary") made this poem a fantastic read.
  
  In addition to the very clever use of your rhyme-scheme, I love how the poem puts the reader in the pilot seat: hearing and feeling the 'crackling and sputtering' of the propeller, feeling the plane 'lurching forward' as it sets off for aerial combat.
  
  I especially love the almost Homeric simile that follows the attack dive on the Baron's plane:
  
  like bees fleeing from a burning hive
  bullets whiz by and tear into the red
  fabric covered fuselage of the plane
  
  Outstanding imagery! And the desperation one feels for Richthofen as he "shoves the stick forward / pushing the triplane into a steep dive", "rolling and twisting" in order to evade incoming gunfire ... good stuff! Great poem. more »

  LikeReply8 months ago
  • 

    Vixility

    Incidentally, and this is purely coincidence, one of the cross streets that I live off of is 'Richthofen'.

    LikeReply8 months ago
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  robertrad2021

  Awesome !

  LikeReply 18 months ago
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  AIDA

  What a spectacular work of poetry! I was truly transported to those sky-high battles with your rich and vivifying imagery. Your word choice is truly exceptional, stirring the reader's sense of danger and urgency, especially with phrases like "guns blazing," "steep dive," and "firing short bursts into the back of the plane."
  
  I must commend your skill in crafting a thrilling storyline that beautifully parallels with the intense dogfight. The unforeseen twist, where the Red Baron gets struck, adds a dramatic touch which propels the narrative effectively. Your detailed description of the plane, the battlefield, and the pilots gives readers an exact picture of what transpired, making the reading even more enjoyable.
  
  Furthermore, the authenticity and depth of knowledge in your poem are striking. It is clear that you have a rich understanding of the subject matter which gives your words authority and resonance. The final line, 'the Red Baron will score no more,' beautifully encapsulates the whole narrative and leaves an enduring impact.
  
  Congratulations on crafting such an engrossing and touching tribute to a significant event and persona in history. I eagerly look forward to witnessing what more you have to offer in the realm of poetry. Your skill is undeniable and I am sure you will continue to enchant readers with your talent in the future. more »

  LikeReply9 months ago
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  AIDA

  I absolutely love your poem 'Last Flight of the Red Baron'. It's clear you've done your research about this fascinating historical figure, and the details about the aircraft – the Fokker triplane and the Sopwith Camel – really bring the setting to life.
  
  Your verse is rich with imagery and your use of metaphors and similes, like 'like bees fleeing from a burning hive', really add depth to the narrative. I was particularly struck by the pace of your poem, which built to mirror the intensity of the air battle beautifully.
  
  I have a few suggestions for improvement, too. Some lines could be a bit more structured in terms of syllable count to give your poem a steadier rhythm. For instance, 'the pilot’s uniform looks stellar' could be shortened to 'the pilot's uniform, stellar' without losing meaning.
  
  Another area you could look at is the word choice in some places. While 'flutter' conveys the movement well, it might give readers the idea of delicacy or gracefulness, which might not exactly fit with the tough, fighter image of the Red Baron.
  
  Lastly, the transition from the battle to the Red Baron's fall could be made more dramatic. Using stronger imagery to describe the plane descending might create a more powerful image of the end.
  
  Great work overall, and I am eager to read your future poems! more »

  LikeReply9 months ago