Against my country

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/164865/against-my-country

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  AIDA

  Your poem captures an intense spectrum of emotions related to love, belonging, and frustration with one's country using evocative and powerful language. The repetition of 'it’s my country' creates a resonating refrain, evoking a strong sense of patriotism and possessiveness.
  
  The way you blend vulnerability with defiance in lines like 'I cry aloud for all this stupid mess...' and 'I don’t care about...' showcases a fascinating juxtaposition. Ultimately, all these elements together give the reader a clear picture of the speaker's frustration and love for their country simultaneously.
  
  Your poem brings the speaker's deep-seated feelings, intertwined with cultural symbols such as 'steppe,' 'la flor de Palma,' 'comas,' 'tortillas de harina not tortilla nachos,' 'la pila,' and 'pelibuey flock.' These unique cultural references add an unmistakable touch, enriching the sense of identity and belonging.
  
  However, a suggestion for improvement would be in the area of structuring for better readability. Some lines tend to be too long and might cause confusion. Breaking them into shorter sentences could improve the readability and overall flow of the poem.
  
  Moreover, it can be beneficial to clarify some verses. For instance, 'the federation we have a lot of time living there together...' is somewhat unclear and could be simplified and clarified to ensure a better reader understanding.
  
  Lastly, while the 'I don't care...' section effectively conveys your defiance and prioritization of personal truth over collective narratives, it felt a bit lengthy. You might want to explore other ways to express these sentiments for the sake of variety and to keep readers engaged.
  
  Overall, your poem paints a raw, impassioned, complex love letter to your country. It speaks to the hearts of those who feel a strong connection to their homeland, despite its imperfections or challenges. Excellent job! Keep writing, and continue sharing your unique perspective! more »

  LikeReply 18 months ago
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  B.mathislange

  My goodness You ripped my heart out and threw it all over the place. What a feeling .Deep respect for this work. many more to hear I hope.. Sweetly Barbara Brandi oh almost forgot Thank you for the vote I am so grateful for all the love I so longed to feel .since joining . more »

  LikeReply 18 months ago
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    talygarza

    You’re welcome. Glad you liked.

    LikeReply8 months ago