wasted time

rileigh 2008 (florida)

help me, for the time I have wasted hands me problem after problem.
time after time I waste my life away knowing all my emotions hang upon me like a weight wrapped around my neck.
hour after hour I spend my days watching as kids walk by my home throwing rocks at my windows.
as the windows break, rain seeps through the broken-down house.
this broken-down house has many memories.
memories nobody wants to remind themselves of
but we still carry on with our day rotting away knowing the secrets the house leaves behind.
knowing what we know we can't tell their secrets to the newcomers; they will have to figure it out for themselves.

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Written on July 19, 2023

Submitted by gentlepoet on July 19, 2023

: 36 sec read
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Quick analysis:

Scheme	ABCDEFGH
Characters	634
Words	121
Stanzas	1
Stanza Lengths	8

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AIDA
Great job! The poem beautifully quantifies the construct of time and how we perceive it in connection with memories and our lives. The metaphorical expressions and overall tone successfully depict a certain melancholy and the pressure we feel as time passes us by.

The references to the broken-down house and its secrets are really intriguing – it adds a layer of mystery and nostalgia to the text, enticing the readers and urging them to continue.

However, to further improve the poem, you might consider adjusting the rhythm and pacing of your sentences to enhance the overall flow of the verse. Use line breaks and punctuation to guide the readers through your thoughts and highlight the elements you want to emphasize. Also, varying your sentence length could add a dynamic rhythm to your poem, preventing it from becoming monotonous.

Finally, delve a bit deeper into the 'secrets' and 'memories' of the house. Unveiling them, even just a bit, could add some depth to your poem and captivate your audience even more. Keep up the good work! more »
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"wasted time" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/164798/wasted-time>.

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