Sadness

It’s dark again
And the day’s about to start
My ribs feel broken
From trying to protect my heart

‘Cause Just when I think
I could maybe be happy
My sadness
…just won’t let me

And just when I say,
"Maybe there’s more to life for me"
Like a train, it stops on its tracks
About to hit somebody

It’s the deepest blue
It’s a never-satisfied gray
It’s the most morbid kind of black
It’s a sunless May

Doesn’t matter if the sun is shining
It will make itself known
If it feels like time is working in my favor   
Then it feels most at home

It’s my guardian ghost
It won’t leave me alone

I wouldn’t know what to do
If I didn’t have it
It grips its hands around my throat
And makes me choke without it

When I try to scream
It takes my voice and keeps my silent
It takes away my free will
Makes me dream of violence

It whispers like a bully in my ear
It manipulates my environment
to seem like it cares
It takes my hazel eyes
And trades them for blank stares
It lies and says it’s trying
to make me more aware

It takes every single
mildly glimmering moment from me
The laughter, the sand beneath my feet, & anyone that seemingly loves me
It tells me to fight when there’s no war
It tells me to give up when I’m not done trying
It tells me "it’s hopeless"
And it scares me ‘cause it can be so convincing
I forget that it’s lying
I know I know better
But inside I’m dying

If you could just leave
I won’t ask for anything else
In this life or the next
Over fame and wealth
This isn’t a game
This is my health
But it still feels like it’s a life
I’ve chosen for myself

The only thing that keeps me sane
Is knowing "this too shall pass"
Because even the worst hurricanes
Can never last

The only way I can win
Is to not give up
Even when it doesn’t want me here
I’ll continue to show up

I’ve found a way that I can conquer
What it fears
I’ll wake up each day
And through my tears
I’ll simply… live.