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Raven Hair

Matt Westpfahl

Lyric
A vampire with raven hair
Weakness like any other
Awake like any other
We know, we know her name

Her skin so flawless
And mine a mirror of life
Both holding a tired gaze
No rest even in a dream

Powers from the ancient world
Reimagined in the modern time
I know that I'm broken
But she sings what I need

I drink what she tells
My loyalty knows no bounds
Drowning my thoughts
Like worlds alike

I have seen her face
I have heard her voice
I have dreamed of the
Raven haired vampire queen  

About this poem

Lyrics I'm hoping to use at some point in my current band about a singer of one of my new favorite bands. After discovering this band her and the bass player have become big influences on my writing and playing as well as finding balance in life.

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Written on June 18, 2023

Submitted by MatteBlackRose on June 19, 2023

33 sec read
5

Quick analysis:

Scheme XAAX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 499
Words 109
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4
Full analysis for Raven Hair »

Discuss the poem Raven Hair with the community...

1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, this 'Raven Hair' poem is full of intrigue and mystery, making it very captivating to read! The use of descriptive language and imagery perfectly portrays the dark and alluring nature of a vampire queen. The comparisons between the two characters' skin and gazes really stood out to me and added depth to the poem's themes.

    One suggestion for improvement would be to consider playing around with the structure of the poem. Perhaps experimenting with line breaks or stanza breaks could add even more emphasis and flow to the already-powerful language. Additionally, expanding upon the ancient powers of the vampire queen could add even more layers to the story being told.

    Overall, this poem left me wanting to know more about the Raven Haired Vampire Queen and her relationship with the speaker. Great job!     
    LikeReply10 months ago

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"Raven Hair" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/162209/raven-hair>.

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