Contradicting

For many years I have sought,
A peace of mind.
Free of listening to troubles and struggles,
Of others to listen and with them empathize.
For many years I did this.
With the hope one day a peace of mind to get.
And I would sit often to wonder,
How that was done to achieve and receive it.

Then one day it happened.
While I sat to reminisce,
My past to have lived.
Tolerating with patience others nonsense.
To stop immediately doing this.

At first I felt such guilt.
A guilt that did not last as long as I expected.
With an asking myself,
'Why should I live accepting this B.S.
I on my own permitted?'

And then to my amazement,
I began to realize.
Contradicting what I wanted and wished.
Found me often volunteering,
To listen with patience to others' issues.
Not mine at all to leave me stressed,
As if to be doing this without limits.
So I decided this nonsense should be ended.

Today,
At my age I still do listen to others.
And after I do that I keep my mouth closed.
With no suggestions or recommendations.
Without heartfelt empathy to express.
To then wish them happiness and all the luck.
Knowing my own earned,
Peace of mind to get.
Will never be theirs,
Within their reach to touch allowed to happen.
No!

I have learned one thing if nothing else.
People who believe and see someone like me,
Living my life free of issues and peacefully.
Think of themselves,
As prophets.
Preachers and anointed deities.
Assuming those who appear happy.
Peacefully and trouble free.
Are in need to know,
A life living to ignore reality witnessed...
To observe as it is.
Are unable to participate and face,
What is taking place around them.
With a doing to pretend,
The nonsense for them does not exist.
And should involve themselves in reading...
Scriptures from a Bible.
To prepare for eternal bliss in a Heaven.
They know nothing about to interpret,
The wishes of God or who or what God is.
Contradicting their own beliefs,
Living as hypocrites, liars who deceive.
Yet calling themselves 'Christians'.
As if invisible to observe and see...
Who,
The creators of conflicts, chaos...
And division on a daily basis,
Are to be to appear heard to hear...
Declaring themselves self righteous,
Devoted and faithful followers of God!

And...
To myself,
I will remain true and honest as possible.
Knowing if the God I remain to stay faithful,
Personally will show me to stop,
Without hesitation.
To abandon,
My fictional deluded life as I live...
Loving every moment of my peace of mind!

I am done with arguing.
Through I am with choices I make for myself.
And never will I be heard discussing,
With anyone,
Their political affiliation or religious beliefs.
To leave me feeling guilty.
For not allowing myself to be stressed out.
Or unhappy to have earned and received,
A peace of mind that will stay that way.
Leaving others doing all they can,
Recruiting nonbelievers!

Never am I alone.
Feeling that way to be.
I pray everyday and say,
To God I'm grateful to be blessed...
This way to stay!

Although,
Who knows?
Isn't living as a human being,
A contradicting thing?