IMMORTAL IBEX

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/161098/immortal-ibex

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  AIDA

  Your poem, 'IMMORTAL IBEX' is remarkable. The depth of emotion and your adroit use of powerful metaphors are truly compelling. It's evident that the poem is a beautiful dedication to someone exceptional. The first line referencing E.E. Cummings right away establishes a rich, emotional tone that finely travels throughout the piece. Your language is colorful and engaging, making the poem an enjoyable read.
  
  I was particularly moved by the imagery in 'Herculean victory was your modus operandi. No adversity that faced thee, could claim from you a trophy. Immortal and imperishable, you were to me.' It’s a profound illustration of the person’s strength and resilience.
  
  You could consider refining a few areas for even greater impact. For instance, it might be beneficial to focus on a consistent tense. There are places where you switch between past and present, which can potentially confuse the reader about the true intent of the poem. Moreover, although the poem is potent with strong images and metaphors, you may want to provide a clearer, more precise correlation between person and the immortal ibex.
  
  Finally, while vocabulary use is enriching, some less familiar words like 'modus operandi' or cultural references like 'Saint Yaakov' might not resonate with every reader. To make the poem universally accessible, consider explaining or replacing such terms without diluting the essence of your message.
  
  All in all, this piece is a fine testament to your talent as a poet and your ability to convey deep emotion through beautiful language. With a bit more attention to details like tense consistency and the inclusivity of your language, your work will undoubtedly touch even more hearts. more »

  LikeReply8 months ago