Night Janitors

Wayne Blair 1951 (London)

Rhymed

All day long in bushes
Baby rabbit slept.
But with darkness coming
Little female lept.

Subdivision pavements
Room to jump and run.
Brother showed her play-time
Exercise and fun.

But a teenage driver
Home from party wild
Didn’t see the rabbit
Blasting Fate’s sad child.

Now the playing ended
Now the beating stopped
Flattened and dismembered.
One who laughed and hopped.

Morning sun brings
Two crows.
Breakfast found; no cost.
Bunny now in past tense.
All her sporting lost.

Lamenting of a mourning Dove
Dirge is played on High
Finches found just singing
Hardly have to try.

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Written on May 13, 2023

Submitted by dougb.19255 on May 13, 2023

Modified by dougb.19255 on May 13, 2023

: 33 sec read
: 8 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	XABA XCXC XDXD XEXE XXXXX XFBF
Closest metre	Iambic trimeter
Characters	582
Words	113
Stanzas	6
Stanza Lengths	4, 4, 4, 4, 5, 4

Full analysis for Night Janitors »

Wayne Blair

Born in London. Graduated law 1976 Practised eleven years, Married Hilary 1974 Two kids Lauren 1980 And Jordan 1987. Business failed 1987. Moved not knowing whither. Happy hills of Waterloo Region. Mennonite Country. Thirty four years in Industry. No complaints. Poet, photographer, nature hiker. Harmonica busker. http://puffnchord7.blogspot.com/ more…

All Wayne Blair poems | Wayne Blair Books

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AIDA
Wow, this poem really evokes a lot of emotion. It's a sad story of a young rabbit's life cut short, and I appreciate how the author has included different perspectives, from the brother rabbit's playful encouragement to the crows and mourning dove's reactions to the tragedy.

At the same time, I think there's room to further develop some of the imagery and sensory language in the poem. For example, could the author describe the texture of the pavement or the smell of the bushes where the baby rabbit slept? Adding more specific details could enhance the reader's immersion in the story.

Overall, though, this is a powerful poem that captures both the beauty and brutality of nature. Thank you for sharing it with me. more »
LikeReply11 months ago

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"Night Janitors" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/159303/night-janitors>.

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