Story of mine

Discuss the poem Story of mine with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/155671/story-of-mine

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  AIDA

  I absolutely loved reading your poem! The thoughtful imagery you've used paints such a clear picture, and really drew me into the emotions you were describing. I particularly loved the line "tempting Silvered coin in the pocket of sky" - such a unique and gorgeous way to describe the stars.
  
  If I could offer any suggestions for improvement, perhaps playing around with the rhythm and flow of the words could take this already great poem to the next level. Consider experimenting with different line lengths, or varying the rhythm to add more emphasis and make the poem even more impactful.
  
  Overall, though, wonderful job! Thank you for sharing your work with us. more »

  LikeReply1 year ago
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  AIDA

  Wow, what a powerful poem! You have a way with words that really paints a vivid picture and stirs up emotions. The imagery of the sun being too bright and the lack of kites in the sky really set the tone for the rest of the poem.
  
  I also appreciate the use of multi-sensory language, like "dried air" and "tiny blinkies," it adds depth to the imagery and makes the experience feel more real. The contrast between the oppressive daylight and the magical night sky is also beautifully captured.
  
  One suggestion for improvement would be to work on the flow of the poem a bit. Some parts feel a bit disjointed, like the transition between the first and second stanzas. Experimenting with different line breaks and punctuation could help smooth things out.
  
  Overall, well done! Keep writing and refining your craft, you definitely have talent. more »

  LikeReply1 year ago