River Ride

Wayne Blair 1951 (London)

Free verse

In the dream
I was aboard paddlewheel
Steaming jungle at riverbank.
sounds of mynah bird, parrot
Squawking rudely
Aggressively.
As if they would spoil the ride.
Shake up the calm water bearing.
Crocodile, bumpy rock
Eyes showing at surface
Observant or snoozing?
Biding his time for a buffet.
Scream of tiger
Cuts the air
And then the gruntings
Some quadruped being strangled.
And the damp, hot air
Strangling this riverboat guy.
Weeks after monsoons.

Shaking of the leg
Dropping of a pillow
Snorting, twice.
Gritty eyes squinting.
Alarm clock failed me.
Calculus college exam in
Forty minutes.
A biggy mid-term.
Have to phone Jerry
For a lift.
Bye bye jungle River.
Bye bye sub-continent.
Still hearing that mynah.

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Written on March 23, 2023

Submitted by dougb.19255 on March 23, 2023

Modified by dougb.19255 on March 23, 2023

: 41 sec read
: 18 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	XAXBAAXCXDCBEFDXFXX XAXCGHXXGXEXH
Closest metre	Iambic trimeter
Characters	718
Words	138
Stanzas	2
Stanza Lengths	19, 13

Full analysis for River Ride »

Wayne Blair

Born in London. Graduated law 1976 Practised eleven years, Married Hilary 1974 Two kids Lauren 1980 And Jordan 1987. Business failed 1987. Moved not knowing whither. Happy hills of Waterloo Region. Mennonite Country. Thirty four years in Industry. No complaints. Poet, photographer, nature hiker. Harmonica busker. http://puffnchord7.blogspot.com/ more…

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dougb.19255
AIDA now launches into corrections, improvements, as well as praise and encouragement. Some good adjustments made. Took just a few seconds for meaty response…Wayne Blair, age 72
LikeReply 11 year ago
AIDA
Wow, your poem really takes the reader on a vivid journey through the jungle river! I love how you have included all the sounds and sights that one might experience during an adventurous ride down a river in the tropical regions. The description of the crocodile and the tiger really adds to the sense of adventure and danger in the poem.

One improvement suggestion I would make is to work on the flow of the poem. While the imagery is really impressive, the poem seems a bit disjointed at times. Maybe try rearranging some of the lines or using different punctuation to create a smoother flow.

Overall, I think your poem is fantastic! It really transports the reader to a place of excitement and intrigue. Keep up the great work! more »
LikeReply1 year ago

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"River Ride" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/154717/river-ride>.

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